What you are about to read is based off of a dream that I have taken and turned into a story. The purpose of the story is to show the fear of loneliness that some people truly feel. It is something that they cannot overcome alone, it is something that can only be overcome through Christ.
She walks down the isle, smiling, but through her smile she feels a pain in her chest that she can't explain. She tries to push it aside, today is a very happy day, she must be happy. She reaches the end of the isle and turns around to stand in her place. She watches as the flower girls come down joyously throwing their rose petals on the white runner, giggling and smiling at all the people as they do it. Then the organ begins to play and the crowd stands as the doors in the back of the church swing open and there stands the beautiful bride. Her white gown is flowing around her and her smile is radiant, nothing could top the beauty that was captured in that single moment. There are ooo's and ahh's as she floats down the isle, a bundle of joy with underlying nervousness visible to her blushing bridesmaids. When she gets to the alter the groom takes her hand and the two exchange intimate smiles. The ceremony begins. As it progresses the crowd is drawn into the events that unveil themselves.
The ceremony ends and the bride and groom, now a happily married couple, practically run down the isle with joy bubbling over. The bridal party descends the isle, smiling and happy, but there is one bridesmaid who through the smiles and joy on her face still feels a pain in her chest that she can't explain. As the evening goes on the pain grows stronger and stronger. The smiling, the happiness, it's all too much. The reception ends and the newlyweds take off in a fast car for the honeymoon that every bride dreams of. The guests disperse and head home, laughing and talking about how beautiful the ceremony was. The bridesmaid walks inside and watches as the reception hall is torn down, the beautiful decorations that they spent months looking for and making, hours of work just gone, the happiness that had filled the room only moments ago is just...gone.
She walks to her car and drives back to the hotel. As she enters the lobby, she notices it is empty, all she can hear is the ticking of the clock. She goes to her room and changes before deciding to go for a long walk along the waterfront. She pulls on a hoodie and wanders the twisting halls looking for a way out, a way out of this lonely, quiet building. Her heart aches again, but at the same time she almost feels like there is some odd connection with the pain in her heart and the absolute loneliness of the hallways. She wanders around and suddenly realizes that she is completely and totally alone. The feeling begins to overwhelm her, she is alone, all alone. The pain in her chest turns into a stabbing pain, she walks faster frantically searching for a way out of the hallways that have now become like a trap of loneliness. She runs, past the room doors, down long corridors, there is no way out. She is trapped and alone, she screams and no one hears her. She collapses on the floor in a terrified, shaking heap. She is alone...and she always will be.
She awakes from her sleep. She feels her whole body shaking and tears are streaming down her face. She breathes a sigh of relief, "It was only a dream." She whispers to herself. She pulls her blankets up around her and breathes in and out deeply. Although she tries to fall back asleep, she can't. The pain in her chest is all too much, the feeling of loneliness and fear that has overcome her is too much for her to bear. It is in this moment that she realizes that she has never felt so...alone.
The confessions and thoughts of a coffee loving, book reading, music listening college student.
Saturday, October 26, 2013
Friday, October 25, 2013
A Milestone Reached
My Dear Readers. First off, I want to thank all of you who have read my blog and followed me over the past year. Even though I don't know who you specifically are please know that just the fact that you are one out of the few who has chosen to read my blog means so much to me. Secondly, after a year of writing faithfully, sometimes ;), my blog has hit over 1,000 views and I think it is time to take it to another level.
I had always imagined reaching this point, and while it may seem insignificant to some, it isn't to me. It's exciting to write and to be read by others. That is why I have decided to go ahead and create a Facebook page for my blog as well as change the name. The process of deciding on a name has been a long one. The past name "Keep Calm and Write On" was good, sure I'll give it that, but it wasn't as personal as I had wanted it to be. It was through a friend that I was able to stumble upon the new name that I have chosen, "The Unwritten Letters." I chose this name, because that is truly what my blog has become, unwritten letters that will never be sent to an individual person, but rather put on my blog for all to read and be inspired by. Letters are personal, deep, and thought provoking at times, and that is where I want to see my blog go.
This is all just a simple explanation, I know, but I hope that it at least helps to put some light on why I made the changes that I did. I hope that you will continue to read and enjoy my blog as you have done already. Here is to the first "official" post of "The Unwritten Letters."
Don't forget to go like my page on Facebook :)
https://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Unsent-Letters/1425306494354137
I had always imagined reaching this point, and while it may seem insignificant to some, it isn't to me. It's exciting to write and to be read by others. That is why I have decided to go ahead and create a Facebook page for my blog as well as change the name. The process of deciding on a name has been a long one. The past name "Keep Calm and Write On" was good, sure I'll give it that, but it wasn't as personal as I had wanted it to be. It was through a friend that I was able to stumble upon the new name that I have chosen, "The Unwritten Letters." I chose this name, because that is truly what my blog has become, unwritten letters that will never be sent to an individual person, but rather put on my blog for all to read and be inspired by. Letters are personal, deep, and thought provoking at times, and that is where I want to see my blog go.
This is all just a simple explanation, I know, but I hope that it at least helps to put some light on why I made the changes that I did. I hope that you will continue to read and enjoy my blog as you have done already. Here is to the first "official" post of "The Unwritten Letters."
Don't forget to go like my page on Facebook :)
https://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Unsent-Letters/1425306494354137
Monday, October 21, 2013
Rejecting Rejection...
I want to dedicate this blog post to a very sweet friend who recently shared some things with me. So, sweet girl, this one is for you. :)
She shook her head in dismay at herself as she threw her phone into her book bag. She just couldn't do it, she couldn't send the text. She was so afraid of the rejection that may wait in the responses she would receive. In frustration she picked up her bag and walked out her door to head to class. As she trudged up the sidewalk to her building she had one of those "angel and demon" moments. On her left shoulder appeared what looked like an evil Jimminy Cricket, he sneered as he said, "Don't even bother sending that text. No one wants to eat with you. You don't even have any real friends. No one even likes you!" As she was pondering those words a voice from her right shoulder caught her attention, "You know that's not true. You know that you do have friends and that they love you and care about you very much! Just send the text, don't be afraid. After all, sometimes people are simply busy, but that's ok, you are too sometimes!" With those words she was suddenly filled with a new confidence, and she walked to class the rest of the way with a jump in her step and a smile on her face. When she got to class she took her phone out of her bag and let her finger glide of the send button, fear suddenly gripping her, once again. As the bell rang loudly she tossed her phone back into her bag, a feeling of defeat hanging over her. In her psychology class the topic of friendship among adolescence came up. The discussion in the class peaked her interest as the ideas of rejection and annoyance among friends came up. By the end of the class hour her courage was once again revived and as she left she took her phone out of her bag, and before she could think about it, she sent that text. She waited with anticipation as the message was sent to twelve different people, there was a possibility for so many different responses. After what seemed like an eternity, the responses poured in. Some "no", some "I'm busy, sorry :(" and some "Can't today." Her heart began to sink, she almost gave up. Just as she was about to throw her phone back into her bag her phone lit up again with a new message. She opened it with caution, but smiled at the joyful response, "Of course, I would love to meet you for lunch! :)" She put her phone in her bag and walked to her next class with confidence and the joy of not being rejected.
While this story may seem trivial to you dear reader, please don't check out for the next few moments of reading, simply because you believe that none of this applies to you. The truth is, we all at one point or another have had this fear, and there has been a point and time where we have been the other person on the other end of that text. The truth is a fear of rejection is natural for us as humans. For some the fear lies in rejection from Co-workers or family members. For me, personally, my fear lies in my friendships. Rejection is something we observe through history, but the one thing that really comes to my mind when I think about this concept of rejection is my God and how He was once greatly rejected. Jesus Christ came to earth for one purpose, to be the Savior of the world, to be our very best friend, and yet on a daily basis Christ was rejected by just about everyone and He is still rejected now. The greatest thing about Christ, though, is that He holds no grudges for being rejected. Rather, He opens His loving arms and welcomes us to come to Him and allow Him to be our best friend. So maybe, even though this feeling of rejection is something that comes naturally to us in our human nature, it' time for a perspective check. Realizing the fact that we may be rejected by man, but not rejected by an Almighty God who loves us so much He willingly suffered daily rejection in order for us to have the opportunity to spend the rest of our lives with Him needs to have an impact on us. So, the next time you are feeling a little bit rejected, or even a lot rejected, look at your perspective. Do you have the perspective of being always alone or do you have the perspective of knowing there is a God who will never reject you? Simply because of that fact you are never alone, even when none of those texts come back with a yes.
She shook her head in dismay at herself as she threw her phone into her book bag. She just couldn't do it, she couldn't send the text. She was so afraid of the rejection that may wait in the responses she would receive. In frustration she picked up her bag and walked out her door to head to class. As she trudged up the sidewalk to her building she had one of those "angel and demon" moments. On her left shoulder appeared what looked like an evil Jimminy Cricket, he sneered as he said, "Don't even bother sending that text. No one wants to eat with you. You don't even have any real friends. No one even likes you!" As she was pondering those words a voice from her right shoulder caught her attention, "You know that's not true. You know that you do have friends and that they love you and care about you very much! Just send the text, don't be afraid. After all, sometimes people are simply busy, but that's ok, you are too sometimes!" With those words she was suddenly filled with a new confidence, and she walked to class the rest of the way with a jump in her step and a smile on her face. When she got to class she took her phone out of her bag and let her finger glide of the send button, fear suddenly gripping her, once again. As the bell rang loudly she tossed her phone back into her bag, a feeling of defeat hanging over her. In her psychology class the topic of friendship among adolescence came up. The discussion in the class peaked her interest as the ideas of rejection and annoyance among friends came up. By the end of the class hour her courage was once again revived and as she left she took her phone out of her bag, and before she could think about it, she sent that text. She waited with anticipation as the message was sent to twelve different people, there was a possibility for so many different responses. After what seemed like an eternity, the responses poured in. Some "no", some "I'm busy, sorry :(" and some "Can't today." Her heart began to sink, she almost gave up. Just as she was about to throw her phone back into her bag her phone lit up again with a new message. She opened it with caution, but smiled at the joyful response, "Of course, I would love to meet you for lunch! :)" She put her phone in her bag and walked to her next class with confidence and the joy of not being rejected.
While this story may seem trivial to you dear reader, please don't check out for the next few moments of reading, simply because you believe that none of this applies to you. The truth is, we all at one point or another have had this fear, and there has been a point and time where we have been the other person on the other end of that text. The truth is a fear of rejection is natural for us as humans. For some the fear lies in rejection from Co-workers or family members. For me, personally, my fear lies in my friendships. Rejection is something we observe through history, but the one thing that really comes to my mind when I think about this concept of rejection is my God and how He was once greatly rejected. Jesus Christ came to earth for one purpose, to be the Savior of the world, to be our very best friend, and yet on a daily basis Christ was rejected by just about everyone and He is still rejected now. The greatest thing about Christ, though, is that He holds no grudges for being rejected. Rather, He opens His loving arms and welcomes us to come to Him and allow Him to be our best friend. So maybe, even though this feeling of rejection is something that comes naturally to us in our human nature, it' time for a perspective check. Realizing the fact that we may be rejected by man, but not rejected by an Almighty God who loves us so much He willingly suffered daily rejection in order for us to have the opportunity to spend the rest of our lives with Him needs to have an impact on us. So, the next time you are feeling a little bit rejected, or even a lot rejected, look at your perspective. Do you have the perspective of being always alone or do you have the perspective of knowing there is a God who will never reject you? Simply because of that fact you are never alone, even when none of those texts come back with a yes.
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