This week I will graduate from college...
Those words still seem so unreal to me.
I've been asked so many times this last week how I feel about graduating, what my plans are, what do I want to do with my degree. I'll be honest...I have no idea.
I really don't feel anything quite yet except for complete shock that the day I have waited four and half years for is just in front of me staring me in the face. I want to be excited and happy, but there are butterflies in my stomach. I want to be anxious or nervous, but it never comes.
I am sure that on Wednesday at 11:35 it will all finally hit me. I'm sure that I'll cry, happy tears, and take a moment to just walk around campus one last time. I'm sure I'll feel relieved and happy all at the same time. Those feelings just aren't here yet, and that's ok.
This week I was asked one very interesting question, though. One that I did have a definite answer to.
"So, you're graduating in a week. What have you been thinking about lately?"
The question hit me. The fact that someone would ask that blew me away. What was I thinking about? So many things, but there was one thing that had been on my mind for weeks, something that I had never told anyone about.
Right after graduating high school I came to college a very different person than I had been in high school. I had been through several trials and been saved, and God was constantly teaching me new things. About two weeks after my graduation I was living in California working as a nanny. One day I received an e-mail from someone I had gone to high school with for a while. Most of the e-mail didn't mean anything to me, but being the kind of person who lives to prove people wrong and accept any challenge that I am given there was one phrase of that e-mail that has stuck with me to this day.
"So you're going to college in the fall. Good luck. You'll never make it."
I took that as my biggest challenge yet.
I shared with that person that the phrase from that e-mail was what had been on my mind. Not because I was thinking of giving up or giving that person the satisfaction of what they had told me, but because I knew that on a week I would prove that person totally wrong.
In four days I will graduate from college and receive my degree. The road was not easy, but no one ever said that it would be. I have overcome many obstacles and trials to get where I am today, and I am thankful. To the person who told me I could never do it, thank you. Thank you for motivating me to succeed, go to college, and finish strong.
Saturday, December 12, 2015
Thursday, November 12, 2015
The Beauty of a Story...
As many of you may know November is National Adoption Month. I didn't want to post this until after Veteran's Day in order to not take away from the profound importance of the holiday.
Adoption is a very very close and personal thing to me. Without adoption my life would have been very different. I can say that my adoption story is different than most, but I believe that it is a story of God's grace and providence. I was not adopted from a broken home. I was not put up for adoption because the money was not there and there was just no way. I was adopted because the Lord put a burden and a love in the heart of my biological mother to give me opportunities that I would not have had in a single parent family. I was not given up for adoption, I was blessed to have the opportunity to have a Christian two-parent home where I had opportunities that many kids my age did not have.
Growing up I never doubted that I was loved. I never felt abandoned, but I always knew that there was someone out there who loved me unconditionally and I was determined to meet that person someday. I would write stories about what it would be like to me my biological mom and how excited I would be. As an 8 year old I wrote about how we would go to lunch and take lots of pictures and go shopping, simply because those were the things that my family did quite often.
When I was a Senior in High School I turned 18, and the door to be able to find my biological mother opened, but I was nervous and scared and unsure. I was also facing a lot of changes with graduating and transitioning to college, along with spending a summer away from home working as a nanny. I put it off and continued to do so through my first semester of college.
On the weekend of my 19th birthday I returned from a trip with my family to find a Facebook message waiting for me, from my biological grandmother, and so began the amazing experience of connecting with my family. The emotions that were packed into those months that led up to our meeting for the first time are impossible to put into words. The night before I flew to Seattle I didn't sleep a wink, I was so excited and so nervous.
The day that I met my biological mom was the best day of my entire life. Seeing her for the first time was amazing. Of course there were lots and lots of tears. The few days that we had together were so special and so amazing. We went to lunch, and we did take lots of pictures, well Grandma did ;), and we went shopping. It's been almost four years since I met them and they have been the most wonderful years of my life. Having a connection with my biological family is truly magical.
Sadly, many times adoption stories are very heartbreaking to begin with, I am incredibly blessed that mine is so beautiful. Mine is truly a part of my testimony of God's goodness to me. I am beyond thankful for the HUGE family that God has given me. It is so fun to try to explain to people how it is possible for me to be the fourth of ten kids. The love in my heart was never split, it has grown immensely over the years.
During National Adoption Month I always encourage people to ask questions and get answers. Ask people their stories, get connected, and become educated. Most importantly we must pray for children who are waiting to be adopted. Maybe the opportunity for you to open your heart and your home to a child in need is one that God would desire for you to have. Adoption doesn't always have a happy beginning, but it can certainly have a beautiful ending.
Adoption is a very very close and personal thing to me. Without adoption my life would have been very different. I can say that my adoption story is different than most, but I believe that it is a story of God's grace and providence. I was not adopted from a broken home. I was not put up for adoption because the money was not there and there was just no way. I was adopted because the Lord put a burden and a love in the heart of my biological mother to give me opportunities that I would not have had in a single parent family. I was not given up for adoption, I was blessed to have the opportunity to have a Christian two-parent home where I had opportunities that many kids my age did not have.
Growing up I never doubted that I was loved. I never felt abandoned, but I always knew that there was someone out there who loved me unconditionally and I was determined to meet that person someday. I would write stories about what it would be like to me my biological mom and how excited I would be. As an 8 year old I wrote about how we would go to lunch and take lots of pictures and go shopping, simply because those were the things that my family did quite often.
When I was a Senior in High School I turned 18, and the door to be able to find my biological mother opened, but I was nervous and scared and unsure. I was also facing a lot of changes with graduating and transitioning to college, along with spending a summer away from home working as a nanny. I put it off and continued to do so through my first semester of college.
On the weekend of my 19th birthday I returned from a trip with my family to find a Facebook message waiting for me, from my biological grandmother, and so began the amazing experience of connecting with my family. The emotions that were packed into those months that led up to our meeting for the first time are impossible to put into words. The night before I flew to Seattle I didn't sleep a wink, I was so excited and so nervous.
The day that I met my biological mom was the best day of my entire life. Seeing her for the first time was amazing. Of course there were lots and lots of tears. The few days that we had together were so special and so amazing. We went to lunch, and we did take lots of pictures, well Grandma did ;), and we went shopping. It's been almost four years since I met them and they have been the most wonderful years of my life. Having a connection with my biological family is truly magical.
Sadly, many times adoption stories are very heartbreaking to begin with, I am incredibly blessed that mine is so beautiful. Mine is truly a part of my testimony of God's goodness to me. I am beyond thankful for the HUGE family that God has given me. It is so fun to try to explain to people how it is possible for me to be the fourth of ten kids. The love in my heart was never split, it has grown immensely over the years.
During National Adoption Month I always encourage people to ask questions and get answers. Ask people their stories, get connected, and become educated. Most importantly we must pray for children who are waiting to be adopted. Maybe the opportunity for you to open your heart and your home to a child in need is one that God would desire for you to have. Adoption doesn't always have a happy beginning, but it can certainly have a beautiful ending.
Tuesday, November 3, 2015
A New Beginning
My Dear Readers,
It has been a while, and so much has been happening in my life. With school and health and extra-curricular activities that I have been involved in it has been a challenge to find the time to blog. Now that I am settled in I have decided it was time to get back to blogging. The months behind me have been full of lessons and the months ahead of me will be full of exciting adventures, all of which I cannot wait to share with you.
My goal is to publish blog posts weekly, on Tuesdays, and hopefully by December I will be posting twice a week.
Thank you for faithfully following me and for sharing my blog with your friends, the amount of views and likes over the two months that I have been away has been amazing. Here's to a new adventure.
It has been a while, and so much has been happening in my life. With school and health and extra-curricular activities that I have been involved in it has been a challenge to find the time to blog. Now that I am settled in I have decided it was time to get back to blogging. The months behind me have been full of lessons and the months ahead of me will be full of exciting adventures, all of which I cannot wait to share with you.
My goal is to publish blog posts weekly, on Tuesdays, and hopefully by December I will be posting twice a week.
Thank you for faithfully following me and for sharing my blog with your friends, the amount of views and likes over the two months that I have been away has been amazing. Here's to a new adventure.
Friday, March 20, 2015
Do you Doubt Me?
I have often heard it said that college is a transition period in every young person's life. Fresh out of high school, many embark on the adventure to learn who they are and what they want to be for the rest of their lives. For many, this journey is simple. They have known since birth what their calling was and what they were going to be when "they grew up." For others, it is a time of explorations and sometimes anxiety as they seek out what it is that they should be doing. I fall into that second category.
As a freshman I was sure that I had life all figured out, but now, as a Senior, I look back and realize how little I truly knew. Despite the fact that my four years at college have been filled with restless nights and stressful days, they have also been balanced out by watching God do great, wonderful, and mysterious things in my life. This year has been no exception.
Several weeks ago God closed many of the doors that I felt were the exact ones that I was supposed to walk through. Being a planner when it comes to things happening in the future, the idea of suddenly not having a game plan put me into a panic. For days I was in agony over what I was supposed to do, without direction my life suddenly felt rather pointless. I caught myself, several times, telling God that I couldn't live another moment without knowing what I needed to be working for. All the while I put on a smile and allowed the phrase "whatever God wants" to be my catch phrase, but deep in my heart I was a mess and I doubted that God even did have a plan for me.
At the end of my week, when I was feeling quite hopeless, I was lead to read John 6 for my devotions. Through three accounts of Jesus' ministry on earth I began to see something that I had never noticed before. Underlying the stories of miracles and ministry there is a theme of doubt. When Jesus was faced with the task of feeding the 5, 000 the disciples came to him and questioned him as to how he would accomplish this great task. Jesus then turns around and takes 5 loaves and 2 fishes and feeds all 5,000 people and has food leftover. Then we see the disciples go out in a bot on the Sea of Galilee and in the middle of the night they are overcome by fear because they do not recognize Jesus. They doubted his ability that He was able to do anything that He put his mind to, even walking on water. Finally we see Jesus asking His disciples "Do you believe that I am the Son of God?" This is a defining moment in Christ's relationship with his disciples because it seems that after all they have been through the light finally comes on and they realize that they have reason to doubt Jesus.
It was in that moment that I heard Christ's gentle probing in my heart and his voice telling me "Don't you dare doubt me." The conviction that overcame me was overwhelming and I broke down in a moment of realization that my God can carry me through anything and that my plan is never the best plan. Dear Reader, don't you ever doubt that God is not in control and that despite the fact that the door in front of you is closed take a leap of faith and keep walking down the hallway for another will surely be open.
As a freshman I was sure that I had life all figured out, but now, as a Senior, I look back and realize how little I truly knew. Despite the fact that my four years at college have been filled with restless nights and stressful days, they have also been balanced out by watching God do great, wonderful, and mysterious things in my life. This year has been no exception.
Several weeks ago God closed many of the doors that I felt were the exact ones that I was supposed to walk through. Being a planner when it comes to things happening in the future, the idea of suddenly not having a game plan put me into a panic. For days I was in agony over what I was supposed to do, without direction my life suddenly felt rather pointless. I caught myself, several times, telling God that I couldn't live another moment without knowing what I needed to be working for. All the while I put on a smile and allowed the phrase "whatever God wants" to be my catch phrase, but deep in my heart I was a mess and I doubted that God even did have a plan for me.
At the end of my week, when I was feeling quite hopeless, I was lead to read John 6 for my devotions. Through three accounts of Jesus' ministry on earth I began to see something that I had never noticed before. Underlying the stories of miracles and ministry there is a theme of doubt. When Jesus was faced with the task of feeding the 5, 000 the disciples came to him and questioned him as to how he would accomplish this great task. Jesus then turns around and takes 5 loaves and 2 fishes and feeds all 5,000 people and has food leftover. Then we see the disciples go out in a bot on the Sea of Galilee and in the middle of the night they are overcome by fear because they do not recognize Jesus. They doubted his ability that He was able to do anything that He put his mind to, even walking on water. Finally we see Jesus asking His disciples "Do you believe that I am the Son of God?" This is a defining moment in Christ's relationship with his disciples because it seems that after all they have been through the light finally comes on and they realize that they have reason to doubt Jesus.
It was in that moment that I heard Christ's gentle probing in my heart and his voice telling me "Don't you dare doubt me." The conviction that overcame me was overwhelming and I broke down in a moment of realization that my God can carry me through anything and that my plan is never the best plan. Dear Reader, don't you ever doubt that God is not in control and that despite the fact that the door in front of you is closed take a leap of faith and keep walking down the hallway for another will surely be open.
Friday, February 13, 2015
A Little Bit of Tough Love
Love...
What is love exactly?
Is it a feeling or an action?
Maybe it is an emotion or maybe just a thought.
Whatever love it, whatever the dictionary definition is or what you may think of when you hear the word love it is something. Love is a word that we hear at least once a day either in the context of one person saying it to another or you will see it written somewhere. While we are familiar with the concept of "happy" love I don't think enough of us are familiar with the concept of "tough" love.
I think that any kid would argue that point and tell you that they are very familiar with the concept of tough love. I know that I felt that way growing up. Between the ages of 6 to 10 I thought that the whole world showed me "tough" love. I was positive that tough love meant that someone either didn't want to love me or that they found it difficult to love me. As I have grown, though, I have learned that the phrase tough love has a much deeper meaning.
I have personally learned that tough love is a feeling and an action. I learned that tough love is, after 7 years of loving someone so much, letting that person go and knowing that God has a better plan for your future and that He will cure the pain. I have learned that it is falling to my knees in prayer for a family member when I know that prayer is harder to do than going and fixing the situation. Through those moments I have come to better understand the love that God had to express towards His Son has he hung on the cross to die, and even the love that He sometimes has to express towards us, His children, when we wander away from him.
The truth about love is that, while yes it is a wonderful thing, it can also be a very hard thing. When you look at it from the perspective of how difficult this type of love will be to implement you will come to understand that this is also the love that has the potential to grow you and strengthen you. I am not saying that this is the love that we should implement in our daily interpersonal relationships, but instead it is the love that when it does come our way we should look for as many opportunities to help us grow and become more and more like Christ.
Love...
What is it?
It is an action and a feeling and an emotion and a thought.
It is also, so much more. It has the potential to make us a new person in Christ.
Love is a wonderful thing, even the love that is hard.
What is love exactly?
Is it a feeling or an action?
Maybe it is an emotion or maybe just a thought.
Whatever love it, whatever the dictionary definition is or what you may think of when you hear the word love it is something. Love is a word that we hear at least once a day either in the context of one person saying it to another or you will see it written somewhere. While we are familiar with the concept of "happy" love I don't think enough of us are familiar with the concept of "tough" love.
I think that any kid would argue that point and tell you that they are very familiar with the concept of tough love. I know that I felt that way growing up. Between the ages of 6 to 10 I thought that the whole world showed me "tough" love. I was positive that tough love meant that someone either didn't want to love me or that they found it difficult to love me. As I have grown, though, I have learned that the phrase tough love has a much deeper meaning.
I have personally learned that tough love is a feeling and an action. I learned that tough love is, after 7 years of loving someone so much, letting that person go and knowing that God has a better plan for your future and that He will cure the pain. I have learned that it is falling to my knees in prayer for a family member when I know that prayer is harder to do than going and fixing the situation. Through those moments I have come to better understand the love that God had to express towards His Son has he hung on the cross to die, and even the love that He sometimes has to express towards us, His children, when we wander away from him.
The truth about love is that, while yes it is a wonderful thing, it can also be a very hard thing. When you look at it from the perspective of how difficult this type of love will be to implement you will come to understand that this is also the love that has the potential to grow you and strengthen you. I am not saying that this is the love that we should implement in our daily interpersonal relationships, but instead it is the love that when it does come our way we should look for as many opportunities to help us grow and become more and more like Christ.
Love...
What is it?
It is an action and a feeling and an emotion and a thought.
It is also, so much more. It has the potential to make us a new person in Christ.
Love is a wonderful thing, even the love that is hard.
Thursday, February 5, 2015
That Girl...
That girl you see, yeah, the one sitting at the corner table sipping a latte and reading her book. For just a moment would you look at her, and rather than judge, would you think with me?
You see, that girl. The one who may not have the perfect hair or maybe her shoes are a little worn. She feels lonely, invisible, and stupid. She doesn't choose to feel this way, but she does, and those feelings torture her. She is a little shy at first, but if you took the chance to say hi you would realize that she is very energetic and outgoing. You would even discover that she loves people.
That girl, the one who may sometimes look like she is upset, she really isn't. Rather, she is pondering some of life's greatest questions. When she isn't pondering those questions, though, she sits and wonders why people avoid her.
That girl, the one who may seem a little odd, which maybe she is and she may even tell you she is, her mind flows with thoughts and beautiful pictures that she can reproduce. Her art is majestic and comes from her heart. If you looked at some of her work you may see how happy she can be, but if you got to know her she may take the blanket off of those pieces where tears flow down faces, and houses sit empty and lonely, but the sun shines outside, because she is hopeful that those tears won't have to flow anymore some day.
The people around us are more than just people. They are men and women, boys and girls, who feel. They feel love, and anger, but they may also feel loneliness or even invisible. How often do we take a moment to stop judging appearances or attitudes and stretch out our hands in greeting? How often do we consider the fact that the girl who may look perfect every single day, is really falling apart inside. And that girl who was popular in high school, could care less about popularity, all she wants is one friend. If we chose to love and smile at those around us rather than judge, we could slowly change the way that the world looked at people. And maybe, at the same time, we could learn something about ourselves.
You see, that girl. The one who may not have the perfect hair or maybe her shoes are a little worn. She feels lonely, invisible, and stupid. She doesn't choose to feel this way, but she does, and those feelings torture her. She is a little shy at first, but if you took the chance to say hi you would realize that she is very energetic and outgoing. You would even discover that she loves people.
That girl, the one who may sometimes look like she is upset, she really isn't. Rather, she is pondering some of life's greatest questions. When she isn't pondering those questions, though, she sits and wonders why people avoid her.
That girl, the one who may seem a little odd, which maybe she is and she may even tell you she is, her mind flows with thoughts and beautiful pictures that she can reproduce. Her art is majestic and comes from her heart. If you looked at some of her work you may see how happy she can be, but if you got to know her she may take the blanket off of those pieces where tears flow down faces, and houses sit empty and lonely, but the sun shines outside, because she is hopeful that those tears won't have to flow anymore some day.
The people around us are more than just people. They are men and women, boys and girls, who feel. They feel love, and anger, but they may also feel loneliness or even invisible. How often do we take a moment to stop judging appearances or attitudes and stretch out our hands in greeting? How often do we consider the fact that the girl who may look perfect every single day, is really falling apart inside. And that girl who was popular in high school, could care less about popularity, all she wants is one friend. If we chose to love and smile at those around us rather than judge, we could slowly change the way that the world looked at people. And maybe, at the same time, we could learn something about ourselves.
A New Journey...
My dear readers,
The past two months have been a journey. One filled with searching and writing and pondering many, many things. I haven't written during that time because I wanted to be sure that I could completely devote myself to this journey, and I think that it was rather successful. I have always desired to be a writer who would pour her heart out and be real to her readers, it is something that I have always appreciated from other people. I hope that over this semester I will write pieces that will inspire you. I hope that I can effectively pour my heart out to you and impact you in some way. Here is to a new year, and a new journey. Will you join me?
All my Love,
Your letter writer
The past two months have been a journey. One filled with searching and writing and pondering many, many things. I haven't written during that time because I wanted to be sure that I could completely devote myself to this journey, and I think that it was rather successful. I have always desired to be a writer who would pour her heart out and be real to her readers, it is something that I have always appreciated from other people. I hope that over this semester I will write pieces that will inspire you. I hope that I can effectively pour my heart out to you and impact you in some way. Here is to a new year, and a new journey. Will you join me?
All my Love,
Your letter writer
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