A New Beginning

My Dear Readers,
It has been a while, and so much has been happening in my life. With school and health and extra-curricular activities that I have been involved in it has been a challenge to find the time to blog. Now that I am settled in I have decided it was time to get back to blogging. The months behind me have been full of lessons and the months ahead of me will be full of exciting adventures, all of which I cannot wait to share with you.
My goal is to publish blog posts weekly, on Tuesdays, and hopefully by December I will be posting twice a week.
Thank you for faithfully following me and for sharing my blog with your friends, the amount of views and likes over the two months that I have been away has been amazing. Here's to a new adventure.

Do you Doubt Me?

I have often heard it said that college is a transition period in every young person's life. Fresh out of high school, many embark on the adventure to learn who they are and what they want to be for the rest of their lives. For many, this journey is simple. They have known since birth what their calling was and what they were going to be when "they grew up." For others, it is a time of explorations and sometimes anxiety as they seek out what it is that they should be doing. I fall into that second category.

As a freshman I was sure that I had life all figured out, but now, as a Senior, I look back and realize how little I truly knew. Despite the fact that my four years at college have been filled with restless nights and stressful days, they have also been balanced out by watching God do great, wonderful, and mysterious things in my life. This year has been no exception.

Several weeks ago God closed many of the doors that I felt were the exact ones that I was supposed to walk through. Being a planner when it comes to things happening in the future, the idea of suddenly not having a game plan put me into a panic. For days I was in agony over what I was supposed to do, without direction my life suddenly felt rather pointless. I caught myself, several times, telling God that I couldn't live another moment without knowing what I needed to be working for. All the while I put on a smile and allowed the phrase "whatever God wants" to be my catch phrase, but deep in my heart I was a mess and I doubted that God even did have a plan for me.

 At the end of my week, when I was feeling quite hopeless, I was lead to read John 6 for my devotions. Through three accounts of Jesus' ministry on earth I began to see something that I had never noticed before. Underlying the stories of miracles and ministry there is a theme of doubt. When Jesus was faced with the task of feeding the 5, 000 the disciples came to him and questioned him as to how he would accomplish this great task. Jesus then turns around and takes 5 loaves and 2 fishes and feeds all 5,000 people and has food leftover. Then we see the disciples go out in a bot on the Sea of Galilee and in the middle of the night they are overcome by fear because they do not recognize Jesus. They doubted his ability that He was able to do anything that He put his mind to, even walking on water. Finally we see Jesus asking His disciples "Do you believe that I am the Son of God?" This is a defining moment in Christ's relationship with his disciples because it seems that after all they have been through the light finally comes on and they realize that they have reason to doubt Jesus.

It was in that moment that I heard Christ's gentle probing in my heart and his voice telling me "Don't you dare doubt me." The conviction that overcame me was overwhelming and I broke down in a moment of realization that my God can carry me through anything and that my plan is never the best plan. Dear Reader, don't you ever doubt that God is not in control and that despite the fact that the door in front of you is closed take a leap of faith and keep walking down the hallway for another will surely be open.

A Little Bit of Tough Love

Love...
What is love exactly?
Is it a  feeling or an action?
Maybe it is an emotion or maybe just a thought.

Whatever love it, whatever the dictionary definition is or what you may think of when you hear the word love it is something. Love is a word that we hear at least once a day either in the context of one person saying it to another or you will see it written somewhere. While we are familiar with the concept of "happy" love I don't think enough of us are familiar with the concept of "tough" love.
I think that any kid would argue that point and tell you that they are very familiar with the concept of tough love. I know that I felt that way growing up. Between the ages of 6 to 10 I thought that the whole world showed me "tough" love. I was positive that tough love meant that someone either didn't want to love me or that they found it difficult to love me. As I have grown, though, I have learned that the phrase tough love has a much deeper meaning.

I have personally learned that tough love is a feeling and an action. I learned that tough love is, after 7 years of loving someone so much, letting that person go and knowing that God has a better plan for your future and that He will cure the pain. I have learned that it is falling to my knees in prayer for a family member when I know that prayer is harder to do than going and fixing the situation. Through those moments I have come to better understand the love that God had to express towards His Son has he hung on the cross to die, and even the love that He sometimes has to express towards us, His children, when we wander away from him.

The truth about love is that, while yes it is a wonderful thing, it can also be a very hard thing. When you look at it from the perspective of how difficult this type of love will be to implement you will come to understand that this is also the love that has the potential to grow you and strengthen you. I am not saying that this is the love that we should implement in our daily interpersonal relationships, but instead it is the love that when it does come our way we should look for as many opportunities to help us grow and become more and more like Christ.

Love...
What is it?
It is an action and a feeling and an emotion and a thought.
It is also, so much more. It has the potential to make us a new person in Christ.
Love is a wonderful thing, even the love that is hard.

That Girl...

That girl you see, yeah, the one sitting at the corner table sipping a latte and reading her book. For just a moment would you look at her, and rather than judge, would you think with me?

You see, that girl. The one who may not have the perfect hair or maybe her shoes are a little worn. She feels lonely, invisible, and stupid. She doesn't choose to feel this way, but she does, and those feelings torture her. She is a little shy at first, but if you took the chance to say hi you would realize that she is very energetic and outgoing. You would even discover that she loves people.

That girl, the one who may sometimes look like she is upset, she really isn't. Rather, she is pondering some of life's greatest questions. When she isn't pondering those questions, though, she sits and wonders why people avoid her.

That girl, the one who may seem a little odd, which maybe she is and she may even tell you she is, her mind flows with thoughts and beautiful pictures that she can reproduce. Her art is majestic and comes from her heart. If you looked at some of her work you may see how happy she can be, but if you got to know her she may take the blanket off of those pieces where tears flow down faces, and houses sit empty and lonely, but the sun shines outside, because she is hopeful that those tears won't have to flow anymore some day.

The people around us are more than just people. They are men and women, boys and girls, who feel. They feel love, and anger, but they may also feel loneliness or even invisible. How often do we take a moment to stop judging appearances or attitudes and stretch out our hands in greeting? How often do we consider the fact that the girl who may look perfect every single day, is really falling apart inside. And that girl who was popular in high school, could care less about popularity, all she wants is one friend. If we chose to love and smile at those around us rather than judge, we could slowly change the way that the world looked at people. And maybe, at the same time, we could learn something about ourselves.

A New Journey...

My dear readers,
The past two months have been a journey. One filled with searching and writing and pondering many, many things. I haven't written during that time because I wanted to be sure that I could completely devote myself to this journey, and I think that it was rather successful. I have always desired to be a writer who would pour her heart out and be real to her readers, it is something that I have always appreciated from other people. I hope that over this semester I will write pieces that will inspire you. I hope that I can effectively pour my heart out to you and impact you in some way. Here is to a new year, and a new journey. Will you join me?
All my Love,
Your letter writer

Memories...

The house was quiet and a calming peace surrounded her as she sat down with a cup of tea. The snow outside was falling gently, covering the ground in a romantic blanket. Taking a breath she reached to worn photo album on the coffee table, it had been forever since she had looked through it. Nestling deeper into the couch and pulling a blanket over her legs she settled in for a walk down memory lane. Before she knew it the pictures were making her mind wander back to a very different time.

Snow capped mountains on dark mornings.
Cold walks to school with flashlights.
Uniforms and polished black shoes.
Family vacations and laughing.
The family China set out on Thanksgiving.
Sharing the secrets of Christmas presents with siblings.
Sleepless Christmas Eves.
Joyous Christmas mornings.
Days with just snack foods.
Friends coming while others moved on.
New school and new friends.
A new beginning.
Braces and glasses.
First crushes and first loves.
School plays and field trips.
Growing up and letting go.
Tears and heartache.
Another chance and renewed hope.
Student teaching.
Graduating.
Saying good-bye and then saying hello.
College.
Meeting new friends, making best friends.
Papers and tests.
Late nights and copious cups of coffee.
Summers at home.
Changing fashion and making it unique.
Golfing and new adventures.
Homesickness.
Traveling and weekend antics.
Graduation.
Dreams full of anticipation.
Friends getting married, and meeting the man of her dreams.
Getting married.
Rings and flowers and dresses.
The buzz of excitement on the day of the wedding.
Walking down the aisle.
Kissing Daddy goodbye.
Honeymoon
late-night talks
New house.
New life.
Life continuing on...

Memories.

Look for the Unlikely...

Dear Readers,
Tonight I want to open up my heart a little bit to you. The past two weeks have been an incredible whirlwind for me, but God has been using the unlikely in my life and tonight that unlikely impacted me in an incredible way. This semester the President of my school chose the theme "Walking in the Spirit" from Galatians 5, to unify the student body and to study together. The last two weeks the sermons have been on sins in our lives and God began to use those sermons in my life to convict me about different sin areas of my life.

I can't go into detail, but I can tell you that there has been an incredible spiritual battle going on in my heart since that first sermon on sin was preached. God began to convict me about a sin in my life that I was steeped in and that I, honestly, was not willing to give up yet. I saw myself as happy and perfectly fine. But no matter how many times I put up my hands in protest to God and argue my case that my sin was perfectly acceptable, God continued to chasten me and pull me to Himself.

Tonight, God brought that sin out in full light before my very eyes and I heard His voice loud and clear saying to me "My child, my precious daughter, I love you more than you will ever know, but I cannot let you rebel any longer. I will pull you to myself and forgive you if you ask so that I may be the most important thing in your life again." Through this I found myself broken before the Lord, in tears and in humbleness asking for forgiveness.

God used the unlikely, my sin, to draw me closer to Himself. He used the unlikely to grow me and change me. I don't write this to make myself look better than anyone else, but rather to show that God does use the unlikely in absolutely amazing ways. We may not see it at first, but He will always find a way to draw us even closer to Himself than we already feel that we are. I encourage you tonight to see what unlikely God is using in your life and then let Him use it.