The Fear...

What you are about to read is based off of a dream that I have taken and turned into a story. The purpose of the story is to show the fear of loneliness that some people truly feel. It is something that they cannot overcome alone, it is something that can only be overcome through Christ.

 She walks down the isle, smiling, but through her smile she feels a pain in her chest that she can't explain. She tries to push it aside, today is a very happy day, she must be happy. She reaches the end of the isle and turns around to stand in her place. She watches as the flower girls come down joyously throwing their rose petals on the white runner, giggling and smiling at all the people as they do it. Then the organ begins to play and the crowd stands as the doors in the back of the church swing open and there stands the beautiful bride. Her white gown is flowing around her and her smile is radiant, nothing could top the beauty that was captured in that single moment. There are ooo's and ahh's as she floats down the isle, a bundle of joy with underlying nervousness visible to her blushing bridesmaids. When she gets to the alter the groom takes her hand and the two exchange intimate smiles. The ceremony begins. As it progresses the crowd is drawn into the events that unveil themselves.

The ceremony ends and the bride and groom, now a happily married couple, practically run down the isle with joy bubbling over. The bridal party descends the isle, smiling and happy, but there is one bridesmaid who through the smiles and joy on her face still feels a pain in her chest that she can't explain. As the evening goes on the pain grows stronger and stronger. The smiling, the happiness, it's all too much. The reception ends and the newlyweds take off in a fast car for the honeymoon that every bride dreams of. The guests disperse and head home, laughing and talking about how beautiful the ceremony was. The bridesmaid walks inside and watches as the reception hall is torn down, the beautiful decorations that they spent months looking for and making, hours of work just gone, the happiness that had filled the room only moments ago is just...gone. 

She walks to her car and drives back to the hotel. As she enters the lobby, she notices it is empty, all she can hear is the ticking of the clock. She goes to her room and changes before deciding to go for a long walk along the waterfront. She pulls on a hoodie and wanders the twisting halls looking for a way out, a way out of this lonely, quiet building. Her heart aches again, but at the same time she almost feels like there is some odd connection with the pain in her heart and the absolute loneliness of the hallways. She wanders around and suddenly realizes that she is completely and totally alone. The feeling begins to overwhelm her, she is alone, all alone. The pain in her chest turns into a stabbing pain, she walks faster frantically searching for a way out of the hallways that have now become like a trap of loneliness. She runs, past the room doors, down long corridors,  there is no way out. She is trapped and alone, she screams and no one hears her. She collapses on the floor in a terrified, shaking heap. She is alone...and she always will be. 

She awakes from her sleep. She feels her whole body shaking and tears are streaming down her face. She breathes a sigh of relief, "It was only a dream." She whispers to herself. She pulls her blankets up around her and breathes in and out deeply. Although she tries to fall back asleep, she can't. The pain in her chest is all too much, the feeling of loneliness and fear that has overcome her is too much for her to bear. It is in this moment that she realizes that she has never felt so...alone.

A Milestone Reached

My Dear Readers. First off, I want to thank all of you who have read my blog and followed me over the past year. Even though I don't know who you specifically are please know that just the fact that you are one out of the few who has chosen to read my blog means so much to me. Secondly, after a year of writing faithfully, sometimes ;), my blog has hit over 1,000 views and I think it is time to take it to another level.

I had always imagined reaching this point, and while it may seem insignificant to some, it isn't to me. It's exciting to write and to be read by others. That is why I have decided to go ahead and create a Facebook page for my blog as well as change the name. The process of deciding on a name has been a long one. The past name "Keep Calm and Write On" was good, sure I'll give it that, but it wasn't as personal as I had wanted it to be. It was through a friend that I was able to stumble upon the new name that I  have chosen, "The Unwritten Letters." I chose this name, because that is truly what my blog has become, unwritten letters that will never be sent to an individual person, but rather put on my blog for all to read and be inspired by. Letters are personal, deep, and thought provoking at times, and that is where I want to see my blog go.

This is all just a simple explanation, I know, but I hope that it at least helps to put some light on why I made the changes that I did. I hope that you will continue to read and enjoy my blog as you have done already. Here is to the first "official" post of "The Unwritten Letters."

Don't forget to go like my page on Facebook :)

https://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Unsent-Letters/1425306494354137

Rejecting Rejection...

I want to dedicate this blog post to a very sweet friend who recently shared some things with me. So, sweet girl, this one is for you. :)

She shook her head in dismay at herself as she threw her phone into her book bag. She just couldn't do it, she couldn't send the text. She was so afraid of the rejection that may wait in the responses she would receive. In frustration she picked up her bag and walked out her door to head to class. As she trudged up the sidewalk to her building she had one of those "angel and demon" moments. On her left shoulder appeared what looked like an evil Jimminy Cricket, he sneered as he said, "Don't even bother sending that text. No one wants to eat with you. You don't even have any real friends. No one even likes you!" As she was pondering those words a voice from her right shoulder caught her attention, "You know that's not true. You know that you do have friends and that they love you and care about you very much! Just send the text, don't be afraid. After all, sometimes people are simply busy, but that's ok, you are too sometimes!" With those words she was suddenly filled with a new confidence, and she walked to class the rest of the way with a jump in her step and a smile on her face. When she got to class she took her phone out of her bag and let her finger glide of the send button, fear suddenly gripping her, once again. As the bell rang loudly she tossed her phone back into her bag, a feeling of defeat hanging over her. In her psychology class the topic of friendship among adolescence came up. The discussion in the class peaked her interest as the ideas of rejection and annoyance among friends came up. By the end of the class hour her courage was once again revived and as she left she took her phone out of her bag, and before she could think about it, she sent that text. She waited with anticipation as the message was sent to twelve different people, there was a possibility for so many different responses. After what seemed like an eternity, the responses poured in. Some "no", some "I'm busy, sorry :(" and some "Can't today." Her heart began to sink, she almost gave up. Just as she was about to throw her phone back into her bag her phone lit up again with a new message. She opened it with caution, but smiled at the joyful response, "Of course, I would love to meet you for lunch! :)" She put her phone in her bag and walked to her next class with confidence and the joy of not being rejected. 

While this story may seem trivial to you dear reader, please don't check out for the next few moments of reading, simply because you believe that none of this applies to you. The truth is, we all at one point or another have had this fear, and there has been a point and time where we have been the other person on the other end of that text. The truth is a fear of rejection is natural for us as humans. For some the fear lies in rejection from Co-workers or family members. For me, personally, my fear lies in my friendships. Rejection is something we observe through history, but the one thing that really comes to my mind when I think about this concept of rejection is my God and how He was once greatly rejected. Jesus Christ came to earth for one purpose, to be the Savior of the world, to be our very best friend, and yet on a daily basis Christ was rejected by just about everyone and He is still rejected now. The greatest thing about Christ, though, is that He holds no grudges for being rejected. Rather, He opens His loving arms and welcomes us to come to Him and allow Him to be our best friend. So maybe, even though this feeling of rejection is something that comes naturally to us in our human nature, it' time for a perspective check. Realizing the fact that we may be rejected by man, but not rejected by an Almighty God who loves us so much He willingly suffered daily rejection in order for us to have the opportunity to spend the rest of our lives with Him needs to have an impact on us. So, the next time you are feeling a little bit rejected, or even a lot rejected, look at your perspective. Do you have the perspective of being always alone or do you have the perspective of knowing there is a God who will never reject you? Simply because of that fact you are never alone, even when none of those texts come back with a yes.

A Flawed Perception...

       A mirror hangs on the wall in front of her. She cautiously approaches it until her reflection appears in the glass. She jumps back, but approaches once more, this time placing her hand on the glass almost as if she could touch the face staring back at her. She feels a tear trickle down her cheek. The agony of not being beautiful raged within her heart. She had heard the words from the other girls incessantly "You're not a pretty as she is." and "I know a great work-out program that could help you lose weight." and even "It's a shame you didn't get the beautiful hair and skin that your sister got." Even though these phrases may have not seemed like much to anyone else, they were the ones that pierced through her heart like a dagger, leaving scars with each plunge. The girls and their words weren't the end of it though. Every day, everywhere that she went there were messages of what true beauty was, a size 0, long blonde hair, long, thin legs, and pronounced collar bones. Every model she observed had all those traits and more. They were the beautiful people and she was nothing, no boy would ever be interested in pursuing a girl who wasn't beautiful. As she let the thoughts melt away she examined herself more closely in the mirror. Then she remembered the words that one of her friends had told her that day at school, "I didn't used to be beautiful, I had to make myself this way. I simply just purged myself from all ugliness in every way. I got rid of all my clothes and bought new ones, invested in the most expensive make-up line, and then I even learned a way to lose weight faster, it's so easy, and when it's all said and done you look great!" She felt she knew what she had to do. It was scary trying what she had been shown for the first time, but as she walked away from the mirror and towards the bathroom she smiled to herself and though, "This is what will make me beautiful, and I will not stop until I am, even if it kills me."

The perception of the beauty that the world has created is deadly. All over America girls, beginning at the age of nine, look around and see all the tabloids and the messages that are conveyed by the models and movie stars on the covers of those magazines. They hear it in the songs on the radio and see it on almost every TV show. The perception is this, being skinny makes you beautiful, anything else makes you unattractive, women must dress in a way to allure men, girls must wear make-up to be pretty, and the list goes on and on. Are you beginning to see why this perception is so deadly?

The world screams out about what beauty is, even young Christian ladies hear the cries and believe what they hear while pushing away the small, still voice inside their hearts that says "You are more than enough, you are beautiful because you are exactly the way that I created you to be." Mind you there comes in the reality that taking care of our bodies is important, but that is beside the point I am trying to make. The point is this. We were created in the image of a wonderful and powerful God who has the ability to change us in a second if He wanted to, but He doesn't now does He? No! He doesn't, because we are already exactly the way that He wants us to be! We are beautiful in His sight. Yes, this is a highly difficult concept to grasp and live each and every day because of all the noise about beauty that surrounds us every day, but think about this...

If you do not think that you are pretty enough or good enough because you have flaws...you need to realize that you have those because those flaws make you who you are! They are what make you the most beautiful, because God gave them specifically to you. This is a lesson that I have had to learn recently. Through a series of events and going to see a nutritionist I have learned that my diet is not what it should be, and this has lead to some health issues that I am facing. I allowed myself to be influenced by the world's perspective of beauty rather than listening to God's still, small voice reminding me how much he loves me and how perfect He knows that I am. I allowed a flawed perception to have a big impact in my life.

Never forget....never forget how absolutely beautiful and perfect you are, simply because you are exactly who God created you to be. You are wanted, you are loved, and you are beautiful.

"I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well."

- Psalm 139:14

Little Blessings...BIG Impact

Well dear readers it's that time once again...time for another post from yours truly. This time I am not totally sure what to write about though. I suppose I could compose a piece on the number of iced coffees I have drunk since being back at school, or maybe how much I love the fact that I get to sleep in on Thursday mornings, but neither of those seem to spark any interest for the little writing bug inside of me.

Perhaps I will write about the little blessings that I have received since being here at school, I feel that this is a topic worth writing about.

Since being back at "The Bob" I have received so many little blessings that have impacted me in BIG ways. For starters I am incredibly blessed to have two of the most amazing, beautiful, funny, talented, and energetic roommates in the world! We laugh together and pretty much talk about anything under the sun. We have known each other for only a week and five days and already they are becoming two of my closest friends. I have also been blessed with my amazing friends who are surrounding me once again here at school, both the old and the new. :)

I think my biggest blessing this semester is getting the teachers that I got. I truly cannot imagine what my semester would be like if I had gotten any other teachers this semester. They are all so encouraging and they are pushing me to do my best and succeed. They are always there when I need to just talk or ask questions. I feel like the teachers that I have this semester have a deep, real desire to be my friend as well as my instructor. It is so incredible to see how God has blessed me this semester. I really could not be more thankful that I am right now. :)

Sometimes it's the little things that impact you the most. The people I mentioned above are my little blessings that have impacted me in BIG ways, and I haven't even been here for two weeks yet! God works in wonderful and mysterious ways! As you go through each day I want to challenge you, my dear reader, to look for the little things and thank God for them every chance that you get, I know that I will.

A New Beginning...

Well dear readers, it has been awhile since I last wrote. Summer has finally come to a close and I am sitting at my desk in my new dorm room waiting for my first day of classes tomorrow. :) School...it's the word that starts to circulate among people's vocabulary around mid-August and by the first of September it's a word spoken by someone almost every second. A lot of people don't like school, but I love it. I always have, and I am pretty sure that I always will.

Junior year, those are the words I have been more excited to say than anything for the past few weeks. It's almost a feeling of arrival. Junior year, the year where you have crossed the halfway mark, you become an "upper" classman. For me Junior year says all those things and many more. For me it's being home again with friends and family around me. It's the late night study sessions and the amazing teachers. It's the early mornings with a hot cup of coffee and oatmeal with honey. It's the late night running times with the girls. These are the things that surround me when I am at school. These are the reasons why I love it.

I have been blessed this year to enter this year with a completely new perspective on life. It's brighter and happier, and something I am very thankful for. I have returned with new friends who I love very much as well as experiences that I will never forget. I have also returned with a deeper passion for my writing, something I thought I had lost long ago and was thrilled to find it again this summer. :)

Tomorrow my classes start, and I will be busy with the hustle and bustle of a brand new school year. I am excited beyond what is considered "normal" and I look forward to sharing my experiences this year with all of you. But for now, I will wait for tomorrow with great anticipation, drink a cup of coffee, and Keep Calm and Write On.

The Summer of Vulnerability and Possibilities

Well dear readers, my summer at camp has officially come to a close. Today the Summer Staff of 2013 said many tearful goodbyes and packed up our belongings to make the long journeys home. This has been the most incredible summer of my life. It was a summer where I was made truly vulnerable before my God and before others, but it was also the summer that God chose to drop the promise of many possibilities for my future in my lap. I will try my best to recount my experience of working at camp this summer and how it changed me, but truly unless you were here this summer there is just something about it that only my wonderful team will understand.

When I arrived at Wolf Mountain I was holding back bitterness towards people in my life who had hurt me. I was confused as to why God had "forced" me to come to camp for the summer and make mere pennies an hour when He knew that I had bills to pay and books to buy for school. I was frustrated with my life and it seemed as if much of it was crumbling, once again, right in front of me. My first day at camp I stood in the middle of a catch pen surrounded by 17 horses that I would get to work with over the summer and God and I had a talk. I told God I wanted Him to be real to me and I just wanted everything to go back to normal.

As the summer went on the Lord took my life, emotional, spiritual, and even physical and took it to a whole new level. I learned what it means to love unconditionally. The walls of anti-emotion that I had allowed to build up around my heart were torn down and for the first time in a long time I felt happy and free. It was truly amazing to see how God allowed me to grow this summer. He taught me more about myself than I had ever known before. I've overcome obstacles that faced me when I got here this summer. I overcame the limits that had been placed on my health when I arrived at camp, and I did things that I was told I may never be able to successfully do again with a struggle.

Basically, what it all comes down to is that God gave me an incredible opportunity this summer. When I got here I never imagined that I would come as far as I have. For me the summer was about learning to be vulnerable before my God, because it was at the point when I laid everything aside and let God have his way totally in my life that I was changed. I will never be the same after this summer, and I couldn't be happier about that. Now I know that my choice to be vulnerable before my God has lead me to a dozen possibilities for the future. So as I wait to see what God has in store for me I will live day by day with a new excitement and enthusiasm. But for right now I will Keep Calm and Write On.