Bring Him Home...

Nothing can truly prepare you for deployment. No number of pep talks, encouraging words from other people, or even coffee dates with friends can prepare you for the lonely days and nights, the anxiety felt when waiting for those phone calls or even a text. But the truth is, that's ok. Deployments are hard, it's hard to be away from the person you love for months on end, especially with so many unknowns staring you in the face. There are scary moments and happy moments, but it is all worth it because in the end he comes home.

Through the first two months of 2016, I dealt with the love of my life being over 2,000 miles away from me in a foreign country. We fought 14 hour time differences, sleepless nights, and long days. Skype and Facebook became our confidants as we messaged and talked as often as we could. Finally, the day came that he would fly across the water and come home to me.

On the day of Tyler's homecoming, I was a nervous wreck. It's true what they say, you spend hours that day trying to look like a perfect lady, but the minute you see him walking towards you, you're willing to drop-kick anyone who gets in the way. While he flew 17 hours to get back to North Carolina I drove 6 hours up the coast to a new place and a new culture that was totally foreign to me.

When I arrived at Camp Lejeune the sights of miles of fences decorated in colorful "Welcome Home signs greeted me. The guards at the main gate had o doubt what I was there for and as they waved me through I couldn't help but stop breathing for a second. The reality of the new world I was about to enter terrified me and excited me, all at the same time. Driving down the long and dark road that entered Lejeune I breathed and thought about the fact that in only an hour I would finally be in the arms of the man I loved and have waited months for.

My best friend and I stood in the dark, shivering from the cold and excitement of everything going on around us. After what seemed like forever, we finally heard excited cheers as other wives and fiances met their men in uniform. I frantically searched the crowd for Tyler, but couldn't find him. You would think that I would have no problem picking out the 6'5" cowboy from Arizona in a crowd of Marines, but they all looked exactly the same. As I looked to the left and my friend looked to the right I felt anxious and afraid. And then I saw him.

He stood on the end of the sidewalk and we stood there for a while and just looked at each other. Then he walked towards me and wrapped me in his arms. There is nothing, nothing at all, like that first embrace. All of the tension and anxiety and sadness that had been building up over the months that he was away melted off of me.

As I sit here writing this I am, once again looking forward to another one of those wonderful embraces in just a little over a month when he returns home again. Nothing prepares you for the man you love being away. The days are never easy, and the goodbyes will always be the hardest thing that you will ever have to do. In the end, though, they are so worth it, because, in the end, he comes home.

Update

The past three weeks have been a whirlwind of activity. The past three weeks have also been three of the best weeks of my entire life. Over the next few days I will slowly be posting updates and sharing with you all about the events of the past three weeks. Thank you so much to everyone who has continued to check up and look for new posts, I promise that in the next week you will not be dissapointed.

Impossible...

Boy. Girl.
Country. City. Desert. Ocean.
Cowboy. Musician. Athlete. Adventurous.
Dancer. Singer. Actor. Nerd.
Digging trenches. Riding bulls.
Playing with dolls. Drinking Starbucks.

A summer.
A camp.
Horse. Desert.
A glimpse of the future.
Exchanged smiles.

College.
Dating.
Introduced.
Friends.
Brother and sister.
A bond.
A feeling.
Wondering. Feeling. Thinking.
Relationships ending.
Friendship lasting.
Inseparable.

Possibly? Maybe?
Only thoughts. Never words.
Impossible.

Days. Months. Years.
She. College student.
He. Military bound.
Phone calls. Text messages.
Surprise visits.
Hugs. Conversations.
Feelings. Dreams.
Impossible.
Tears. Prayers.

Trials. Support. Protecting.
Graduation.
Re-united.
Smiles. Hugs. Realization.
Knowing.
Only thoughts. Only desires.
Impossible.

She. Finishes school.
He. Deploys.
Late Skype calls.
Wishing. Dreaming.
One night.

More than friends? No
Maybe. Could we?
Yes.
Like? No. Oh.
Love.
Best friends.
Soulmates.
Impossible becomes possible.
Reaching out. Taking the chance.

Best friends. Lovers. Soulmates.
Answered prayers.
Smiles.
This is forever.
Impossible. No. Possible.

And Lord, Make Him My Best Friend...

If someone had told me six months ago that before the year was over I would fall in love with my best friend and end up dating him, I definitely would have laughed at them. I've been in a few relationships since high school and if there is one thing that they have taught me it is this, don't get your hopes up.

For quite a while I had felt like I was weird or out of place. I was never asked to anything, I didn't go out on dates, and I was actually ok with that. I fought with the discontentment and the feeling of worthlessness for most of my college career, but when I returned to school this fall those feelings were long gone, and I found myself seeking contentment in the plan that God had for me and not what I wanted.

Here is something else that I have been learning lately. When you ask God for something...He listens. It doesn't mean that He will give you what you want at that exact moment, it may take weeks or months, sometimes even years. In my case it was years. Years of praying for God to bring me the right man. It wasn't until I learned to be content in my singleness, though, the God decided to make my dreams come true.

I would love to say that my love story is different and unique, and in some ways it is, but the basic story line is similar to many others. Despite that fact, it is still the most beautiful love story I have ever read, because it is mine.

I met Tyler on a crisp October afternoon. He was hanging out with friends and I was introduced to him by the young man I was dating at the time. When I first met him I thought he was a rough cowboy who was too full of himself. Looking back, I can't say that I would change my mind about my first impression of him. But, despite popular opinion, people change and first impressions can be wiped away when relationships develop. Through our many conversations about how we met, i've come to learn that Tyler's first impression of me was fairly similar to my first impression of him. Funny how time changes people.

Tyler and I stayed very, very close through college, even after he left to join the Marine Corp during our Sophomore year. We were like brother and sister, but we had a very special bond. He was one of my best friends, always there when I needed him. Willing to give advice and protect me. There was not one day that I did not thank God for our friendship because he was a constant in my life when many other things were falling apart. That is something that now, looking back, I see as a huge sign.

I had always asked God to let me fall in love with my best friend, someone who was always there for me. I guess God doesn't just listen to our prayers, He follows through with them too. Maybe not in the timing that we had wanted. Maybe days, months, or years. For me, it was years. Years of praying and searching and waiting until one day God told me to look up in a room full of people and I noticed Tyler in a way I never had before. It was in that moment that I saw God's answer to prayers. That was the day I fell in love with my best friend.

Sending the Letters

If someone had told me six months ago that I would be at the stage in my life that I am right now, I would have laughed in their face. Never, in my wildest dreams did I ever imagine that I would graduate from college, go to Disney, and fall in love with my best friend all in the same week.

They say that your whole life can change in the span of one second. I never realized how true that was until December 16 after my last final exam was done and I drove off of campus. The whole world was laying in front of me, I had limitless opportunities. Little did I know that they were about to get better.

2016 is going to be the busiest, most exciting, happiest year of my entire life, and I really can't think of a better way to record the memories from it than by blogging about it. With college behind me and many adventures ahead I want to dedicate this year's blog posts to the things that are going on in my life right now. This year I will be sharing stories with you of job hunting, vacations, and falling in love.

This year, the letters are getting sent.

The End of Another Chapter

This week I will graduate from college...

Those words still seem so unreal to me.

I've been asked so many times this last week how I feel about graduating, what my plans are, what do I want to do with my degree. I'll be honest...I have no idea.

I really don't feel anything quite yet except for complete shock that the day I have waited four and half years for is just in front of me staring me in the face. I want to be excited and happy, but there are butterflies in my stomach. I want to be anxious or nervous, but it never comes.

I am sure that on Wednesday at 11:35 it will all finally hit me. I'm sure that I'll cry, happy tears, and take a moment to just walk around campus one last time. I'm sure I'll feel relieved and happy all at the same time. Those feelings just aren't here yet, and that's ok.

This week I was asked one very interesting question, though. One that I did have a definite answer to.

"So, you're graduating in a week. What have you been thinking about lately?"

The question hit me. The fact that someone would ask that blew me away. What was I thinking about? So many things, but there was one thing that had been on my mind for weeks, something that I had never told anyone about.

Right after graduating high school I came to college a very different person than I had been in high school. I had been through several trials and been saved, and God was constantly teaching me new things. About two weeks after my graduation I was living in California working as a nanny. One day I received an e-mail from someone I had gone to high school with for a while. Most of the e-mail didn't mean anything to me, but being the kind of person who lives to prove people wrong and accept any challenge that I am given there was one phrase of that e-mail that has stuck with me to this day.

"So you're going to college in the fall. Good luck. You'll never make it."

I took that as my biggest challenge yet.

I shared with that person that the phrase from that e-mail was what had been on my mind. Not because I was thinking of giving up or giving that person the satisfaction of what they had told me, but  because I knew that on a week I would prove that person totally wrong.

In four days I will graduate from college and receive my degree. The road was not easy, but no one ever said that it would be. I have overcome many obstacles and trials to get where I am today, and I am thankful. To the person who told me I could never do it, thank you. Thank you for motivating me to succeed, go to college, and finish strong.

The Beauty of a Story...

As many of you may know November is National Adoption Month. I didn't want to post this until after Veteran's Day in order to not take away from the profound importance of the holiday.

Adoption is a very very close and personal thing to me. Without adoption my life would have been very different. I can say that my adoption story is different than most, but I believe that it is a story of God's grace and providence. I was not adopted from a broken home. I was not put up for adoption because the money was not there and there was just no way. I was adopted because the Lord put a burden and a love in the heart of my biological mother to give me opportunities that I would not have had in a single parent family. I was not given up for adoption, I was blessed to have the opportunity to have a Christian two-parent home where I had opportunities that many kids my age did not have.

Growing up I never doubted that I was loved. I never felt abandoned, but I always knew that there was someone out there who loved me unconditionally and I was determined to meet that person someday. I would write stories about what it would be like to me my biological mom and how excited I would be. As an 8 year old I wrote about how we would go to lunch and take lots of pictures and go shopping, simply because those were the things that my family did quite often.

When I was a Senior in High School I turned 18, and the door to be able to find my biological mother opened, but I was nervous and scared and unsure. I was also facing a lot of changes with graduating and transitioning to college, along with spending a summer away from home working as a nanny. I put it off and continued to do so through my first semester of college.

On the weekend of my 19th birthday I returned from a trip with my family to find a Facebook message waiting for me, from my biological grandmother, and so began the amazing experience of connecting with my family. The emotions that were packed into those months that led up to our meeting for the first time are impossible to put into words. The night before I flew to Seattle I didn't sleep a wink, I was so excited and so nervous.

The day that I met my biological mom was the best day of my entire life. Seeing her for the first time was amazing. Of course there were lots and lots of tears. The few days that we had together were so special and so amazing. We went to lunch, and we did take lots of pictures, well Grandma did ;), and we went shopping. It's been almost four years since I met them and they have been the most wonderful years of my life. Having a connection with my biological family is truly magical.

Sadly, many times adoption stories are very heartbreaking to begin with, I am incredibly blessed that mine is so beautiful. Mine is truly a part of my testimony of God's goodness to me. I am beyond thankful for the HUGE family that God has given me. It is so fun to try to explain to people how it is possible for me to be the fourth of ten kids. The love in my heart was never split, it has grown immensely over the years.

During National Adoption Month I always encourage people to ask questions and get answers. Ask people their stories, get connected, and become educated. Most importantly we must pray for children who are waiting to be adopted. Maybe the opportunity for you to open your heart and your home to a child in need is one that God would desire for you to have. Adoption doesn't always have a happy beginning, but it can certainly have a beautiful ending.

A New Beginning

My Dear Readers,
It has been a while, and so much has been happening in my life. With school and health and extra-curricular activities that I have been involved in it has been a challenge to find the time to blog. Now that I am settled in I have decided it was time to get back to blogging. The months behind me have been full of lessons and the months ahead of me will be full of exciting adventures, all of which I cannot wait to share with you.
My goal is to publish blog posts weekly, on Tuesdays, and hopefully by December I will be posting twice a week.
Thank you for faithfully following me and for sharing my blog with your friends, the amount of views and likes over the two months that I have been away has been amazing. Here's to a new adventure.

Do you Doubt Me?

I have often heard it said that college is a transition period in every young person's life. Fresh out of high school, many embark on the adventure to learn who they are and what they want to be for the rest of their lives. For many, this journey is simple. They have known since birth what their calling was and what they were going to be when "they grew up." For others, it is a time of explorations and sometimes anxiety as they seek out what it is that they should be doing. I fall into that second category.

As a freshman I was sure that I had life all figured out, but now, as a Senior, I look back and realize how little I truly knew. Despite the fact that my four years at college have been filled with restless nights and stressful days, they have also been balanced out by watching God do great, wonderful, and mysterious things in my life. This year has been no exception.

Several weeks ago God closed many of the doors that I felt were the exact ones that I was supposed to walk through. Being a planner when it comes to things happening in the future, the idea of suddenly not having a game plan put me into a panic. For days I was in agony over what I was supposed to do, without direction my life suddenly felt rather pointless. I caught myself, several times, telling God that I couldn't live another moment without knowing what I needed to be working for. All the while I put on a smile and allowed the phrase "whatever God wants" to be my catch phrase, but deep in my heart I was a mess and I doubted that God even did have a plan for me.

 At the end of my week, when I was feeling quite hopeless, I was lead to read John 6 for my devotions. Through three accounts of Jesus' ministry on earth I began to see something that I had never noticed before. Underlying the stories of miracles and ministry there is a theme of doubt. When Jesus was faced with the task of feeding the 5, 000 the disciples came to him and questioned him as to how he would accomplish this great task. Jesus then turns around and takes 5 loaves and 2 fishes and feeds all 5,000 people and has food leftover. Then we see the disciples go out in a bot on the Sea of Galilee and in the middle of the night they are overcome by fear because they do not recognize Jesus. They doubted his ability that He was able to do anything that He put his mind to, even walking on water. Finally we see Jesus asking His disciples "Do you believe that I am the Son of God?" This is a defining moment in Christ's relationship with his disciples because it seems that after all they have been through the light finally comes on and they realize that they have reason to doubt Jesus.

It was in that moment that I heard Christ's gentle probing in my heart and his voice telling me "Don't you dare doubt me." The conviction that overcame me was overwhelming and I broke down in a moment of realization that my God can carry me through anything and that my plan is never the best plan. Dear Reader, don't you ever doubt that God is not in control and that despite the fact that the door in front of you is closed take a leap of faith and keep walking down the hallway for another will surely be open.

A Little Bit of Tough Love

Love...
What is love exactly?
Is it a  feeling or an action?
Maybe it is an emotion or maybe just a thought.

Whatever love it, whatever the dictionary definition is or what you may think of when you hear the word love it is something. Love is a word that we hear at least once a day either in the context of one person saying it to another or you will see it written somewhere. While we are familiar with the concept of "happy" love I don't think enough of us are familiar with the concept of "tough" love.
I think that any kid would argue that point and tell you that they are very familiar with the concept of tough love. I know that I felt that way growing up. Between the ages of 6 to 10 I thought that the whole world showed me "tough" love. I was positive that tough love meant that someone either didn't want to love me or that they found it difficult to love me. As I have grown, though, I have learned that the phrase tough love has a much deeper meaning.

I have personally learned that tough love is a feeling and an action. I learned that tough love is, after 7 years of loving someone so much, letting that person go and knowing that God has a better plan for your future and that He will cure the pain. I have learned that it is falling to my knees in prayer for a family member when I know that prayer is harder to do than going and fixing the situation. Through those moments I have come to better understand the love that God had to express towards His Son has he hung on the cross to die, and even the love that He sometimes has to express towards us, His children, when we wander away from him.

The truth about love is that, while yes it is a wonderful thing, it can also be a very hard thing. When you look at it from the perspective of how difficult this type of love will be to implement you will come to understand that this is also the love that has the potential to grow you and strengthen you. I am not saying that this is the love that we should implement in our daily interpersonal relationships, but instead it is the love that when it does come our way we should look for as many opportunities to help us grow and become more and more like Christ.

Love...
What is it?
It is an action and a feeling and an emotion and a thought.
It is also, so much more. It has the potential to make us a new person in Christ.
Love is a wonderful thing, even the love that is hard.

That Girl...

That girl you see, yeah, the one sitting at the corner table sipping a latte and reading her book. For just a moment would you look at her, and rather than judge, would you think with me?

You see, that girl. The one who may not have the perfect hair or maybe her shoes are a little worn. She feels lonely, invisible, and stupid. She doesn't choose to feel this way, but she does, and those feelings torture her. She is a little shy at first, but if you took the chance to say hi you would realize that she is very energetic and outgoing. You would even discover that she loves people.

That girl, the one who may sometimes look like she is upset, she really isn't. Rather, she is pondering some of life's greatest questions. When she isn't pondering those questions, though, she sits and wonders why people avoid her.

That girl, the one who may seem a little odd, which maybe she is and she may even tell you she is, her mind flows with thoughts and beautiful pictures that she can reproduce. Her art is majestic and comes from her heart. If you looked at some of her work you may see how happy she can be, but if you got to know her she may take the blanket off of those pieces where tears flow down faces, and houses sit empty and lonely, but the sun shines outside, because she is hopeful that those tears won't have to flow anymore some day.

The people around us are more than just people. They are men and women, boys and girls, who feel. They feel love, and anger, but they may also feel loneliness or even invisible. How often do we take a moment to stop judging appearances or attitudes and stretch out our hands in greeting? How often do we consider the fact that the girl who may look perfect every single day, is really falling apart inside. And that girl who was popular in high school, could care less about popularity, all she wants is one friend. If we chose to love and smile at those around us rather than judge, we could slowly change the way that the world looked at people. And maybe, at the same time, we could learn something about ourselves.

A New Journey...

My dear readers,
The past two months have been a journey. One filled with searching and writing and pondering many, many things. I haven't written during that time because I wanted to be sure that I could completely devote myself to this journey, and I think that it was rather successful. I have always desired to be a writer who would pour her heart out and be real to her readers, it is something that I have always appreciated from other people. I hope that over this semester I will write pieces that will inspire you. I hope that I can effectively pour my heart out to you and impact you in some way. Here is to a new year, and a new journey. Will you join me?
All my Love,
Your letter writer

Memories...

The house was quiet and a calming peace surrounded her as she sat down with a cup of tea. The snow outside was falling gently, covering the ground in a romantic blanket. Taking a breath she reached to worn photo album on the coffee table, it had been forever since she had looked through it. Nestling deeper into the couch and pulling a blanket over her legs she settled in for a walk down memory lane. Before she knew it the pictures were making her mind wander back to a very different time.

Snow capped mountains on dark mornings.
Cold walks to school with flashlights.
Uniforms and polished black shoes.
Family vacations and laughing.
The family China set out on Thanksgiving.
Sharing the secrets of Christmas presents with siblings.
Sleepless Christmas Eves.
Joyous Christmas mornings.
Days with just snack foods.
Friends coming while others moved on.
New school and new friends.
A new beginning.
Braces and glasses.
First crushes and first loves.
School plays and field trips.
Growing up and letting go.
Tears and heartache.
Another chance and renewed hope.
Student teaching.
Graduating.
Saying good-bye and then saying hello.
College.
Meeting new friends, making best friends.
Papers and tests.
Late nights and copious cups of coffee.
Summers at home.
Changing fashion and making it unique.
Golfing and new adventures.
Homesickness.
Traveling and weekend antics.
Graduation.
Dreams full of anticipation.
Friends getting married, and meeting the man of her dreams.
Getting married.
Rings and flowers and dresses.
The buzz of excitement on the day of the wedding.
Walking down the aisle.
Kissing Daddy goodbye.
Honeymoon
late-night talks
New house.
New life.
Life continuing on...

Memories.

Look for the Unlikely...

Dear Readers,
Tonight I want to open up my heart a little bit to you. The past two weeks have been an incredible whirlwind for me, but God has been using the unlikely in my life and tonight that unlikely impacted me in an incredible way. This semester the President of my school chose the theme "Walking in the Spirit" from Galatians 5, to unify the student body and to study together. The last two weeks the sermons have been on sins in our lives and God began to use those sermons in my life to convict me about different sin areas of my life.

I can't go into detail, but I can tell you that there has been an incredible spiritual battle going on in my heart since that first sermon on sin was preached. God began to convict me about a sin in my life that I was steeped in and that I, honestly, was not willing to give up yet. I saw myself as happy and perfectly fine. But no matter how many times I put up my hands in protest to God and argue my case that my sin was perfectly acceptable, God continued to chasten me and pull me to Himself.

Tonight, God brought that sin out in full light before my very eyes and I heard His voice loud and clear saying to me "My child, my precious daughter, I love you more than you will ever know, but I cannot let you rebel any longer. I will pull you to myself and forgive you if you ask so that I may be the most important thing in your life again." Through this I found myself broken before the Lord, in tears and in humbleness asking for forgiveness.

God used the unlikely, my sin, to draw me closer to Himself. He used the unlikely to grow me and change me. I don't write this to make myself look better than anyone else, but rather to show that God does use the unlikely in absolutely amazing ways. We may not see it at first, but He will always find a way to draw us even closer to Himself than we already feel that we are. I encourage you tonight to see what unlikely God is using in your life and then let Him use it.

Choosing the Unlikely...

Dear Readers,
It has been quite a while since I have written. The summer was full of work and online classes, and a much needed break from the hustle and bustle of the school year. Now it is back to the grind of classes, and golf, and friends. Mind you, it is not a negative daily grind at all. It has actually been a blessed grind, one in which God has been growing me and teaching me so much. The theme that I am claiming this semester for my blog is to write about "Using the Unlikely."

This semester I am taking a class called "Women in the Bible." The class has been teaching me so much about how God chooses the unlikely. God chose Sarah to have a son who was promised, despite the fact that she couldn't have a baby. Then God chose the younger of Isaac and Rebekah's two children to be the child of promise. Then God used Jacob's wife, Rachel, despite the fact that she did wrong to have a son who would carry out the line of promise. God chooses the unlikely and He uses them or the unlikely situation that they may be in for His glory.

Already this semester God has shown me some "unlikely" things in my life and I am so excited to share these things with you as the semester continues.

It's A Place Called Home...

My Dear Readers, I apologize for not having written in so long. This summer has taken me on many adventures that have kept me very, very busy. A few weeks ago I posted that I wanted to start writing some things from my heart. This is one of those posts about some things that I have been struggling with for a few weeks.

For a long time I struggled with living in Ketchikan, Alaska. Being a memory oriented person I really struggled with being in Alaska and not remembering all of the painful things that have happened to me. As I left for college a lot of bitterness and hatred towards the people who had hurt me built up and my desire to be in Ketchikan  went completely away. As I came home my first summer I was angry and searching for joy in a place that I had come to hate so much.

Over the past year, which I have been at school, the Lord worked in my heart and began to give me a love for the place that I grew up. He reminded me of the good times rather than the bad and He taught me to find the seashells among the rocks on the beach. Coming home this summer has meant the world to me. I'm not going to deny that God has brought many challenges my way and that I am definitely ready for vacation, but through each one He has shown Himself more real to me than ever before.

Being here in Ketchikan this summer has opened my eyes to a whole new world of joy and beauty that I had never seen before. It has also opened my eyes to the hurt that I caused when I would say things against my home. For those of you who knew me then, either personally or through my blog, you know how angry and bitter I was. Now I deal with people who feel how I once did about my home and my church and it hurts me to see that and to hear the things that they say. This is my home and I am a member of a fantastic church that I  have come to love this summer more than I ever have before. They are treasures in my life and I will never again take it for granted that I grew up in Alaska and that I have a church family who is absolutely incredible. It's home, it always has and it always will be.

Maybe you struggle with where you are right now or a situation that you are in. Before you decide to be negative, look for the seashells among the rocks. And before you decide to comment negatively on where someone else lives or even the church that they attend or the school that they go to, consider how much your words will hurt them. I was once a person who hurt others with my words and now I am
someone who is hurt by the words of others. Words mean things. Remember that place to someone is a place called home, and Ketchikan, Alaska is my place that I am proud to call home.

His Mercy Endureth Forever....

When I was born I was adopted by a two parent family who loved me very much
His Mercy Endureth Forever.
Before I was a year old my parents were saved
His Mercy Endureth Forever
When I was 2, I started to pray for a baby brother
His Mercy Endureth Forever
When I was 3, God gave me a baby brother
His Mercy Endureth Forever
When I was 4, God gave me a Sunday School Teacher who helped me to understand salvation
His mercy endureth forever

After my first two years in elementary school all but one of my friends moved away
His mercy endureth forever
When I was in 3rd grade my best friend moved away to Guam
His mercy endureth forever
The next school year I started getting bullied by older boys in my school
His mercy endureth forever
When I was in 5th grade my family left the church we were attending and began searching for a new church.
His mercy endureth forever
My family began attending a church that had kids my age
His mercy endureth forever
When I was in 6th grade we left that church
His mercy endureth forever
I turned my back on my family and stopped believing in God, after all if there was a God why would He let bad things happen to good people
His mercy endureth forever.
I struggled spiritually and academically through the next year of my life
His mercy endureth forever
When I was in eight grade my family began attending a new church and I switched schools.
His mercy endureth forever.
I was able to have a new beginning
His mercy endureth forever

I began to realize that there really was a God and that He did love me
His mercy endureth forever.
I met my high school best friend at my new school.
His mercy endureth forever
I almost failed eighth grade
His mercy endureth forever
The Lord brought new teachers to my school
His mercy endureth forever
I determined to succeed in high school
His mercy endureth forever
When I was in 10th grade I was involved in a relationship that I should not have been
His mercy endureth forever
God protected me and allowed the boy I was in a relationship with to never touch me.
His mercy endureth forever
In the middle of that year my best friend began to physically abuse me
His mercy endureth forever
At the end of that school year both of my best friends were kicked out of school
His mercy endureth forever
God brought me to the lowest I had ever been
His mercy endureth forever
I let anger and bitterness dwell in my heart
His mercy endureth forever

That summer my parents forced me to go to horse camp
His mercy endureth forever
The Lord brought a great man to preach simple sermons during my first week there
His mercy endureth forever
God worked in my heart during that whole first week
His mercy endureth forever
I got saved on July 31, 2009 at Camp Ironwood in California
His mercy endureth forever
God changed my life
His mercy endureth forever

God allowed my best friend to ask for forgiveness
His mercy endureth forever
God carried up both through our junior and senior year of high school
His mercy endureth forever
The day after her graduation she fell into sin and our friendship ended
His mercy endureth forever
I struggled with an eating disorder and depression during my senior year of high school
His mercy endureth forever
I finished my last year of high school with a 4.0 and prepared to go to college
His mercy endureth forever
God allowed me to live with my sister for the summer
His mercy endureth forever
I left for college in the fall to pursue my dreams
His mercy endureth forever
God gave me more friends than I could imagine, including a new best friend
His mercy endureth forever


God carried me though three years of college
His mercy endureth forever
During those three years I faced many trials
His mercy endureth forever
My health failed and I became very sick
His mercy endureth forever
Headaches would leave me paralyzed in bed all day
His mercy endureth forever
Hurtful emails from old best friends filled my inbox
His mercy endureth forever
Terrifying nightmares began to plague my sleep
His mercy endureth forever
After two years of searching for answers God brought me two doctors who were able to find out why I was sick
His mercy endureth forever
For the first time in two and a half years, I felt well again
His mercy endureth forever
My family went through many trials as well
His mercy endureth forever
He brought much heartache and pain
His mercy endureth forever
I met my biological mom and her family
His mercy endureth forever
I am now three weeks away from finishing my junior year
God's mercy still endures forever.

138...

138...the number of steps it takes for me to get from one class to the next. The number of calories in my favorite Starbucks drink. The number of French terms I have to master by Monday. And the number of times that I swung a golf club last Saturday.

138 is not normally the number that any golfer would want to see written next to his name on the final scoreboard. Actually, most golfers would be pretty embarrassed by a score like that. I, on the other hand, was not embarrassed at all, I wasn't even disappointed. As a matter of fact I was extremely proud. As I stood at the clubhouse, looking at my posted final score I took a moment to thank God for everything that He had pulled me through to bring me to the point that I was at.

Playing golf is a huge commitment of time and energy, but it is a commitment that I love. It is a de-stressor and a relaxer after a super long day. Sure, the tournaments can have their stressful moments, but most importantly they are fun and stretching experiences. Two years ago if someone told me that I would be playing golf on the collegiate level, I probably would have just laughed at them and told them that it just was not possible.

138...it's just a number when it comes down to it, but it's a number with meaning to me. A number of accomplishment. A number that God placed in my life as a milestone. Sometimes the numbers that God places in our lives make sense and other times they don't. For the engaged couple anticipating their wedding day the number 3 signifies the months until they will be joined as husband and wife. The college senior looks at the number 50 and instantly thinks of their long awaited graduation day when they will be released into the world for the first time. For a couple the number 3 could represent the weeks since they experienced the loss of their first child through a miscarriage or the number 6 could represent the number of months since a navy wife last saw her beloved sailor.

Numbers represent milestones in our lives. Whether they are good or bad God gives them to us. They are ours, but we have to chose to claim them and let them represent the things that God has done to make us into who we are, and into who He wants us to be.

138...for me it represents accomplishment, a milestone that I have a reached that I was never sure I could. 138...the number of golf swings that I took last Saturday. 138...the number that gave me the opportunity to share with another golfer about my school and my God. 138...a number that represents the small impact I was able to have on the hearts of two other girls who needed to hear that God is good. 138...Maybe not impressive to some, but special to me.

Dirty Jobs...

As I was thinking about my blog the other day, I realized how long it has been since I have last written something. School has kept me terribly busy and golf eats up its fair share of time, so my writing has taken the back burner lately. With midterms over and only seven weeks left of school I figured now is as good a time as ever to hop back on the blogging bandwagon.

A recent topic of conversation, for some very strange reason, between my friends and I has been the things that gross us out the most. I mentioned that the thing that makes me just want to spit is the idea of skin. Yes...skin. Let's just put it this way...I used to be a nursing major and had to take an Anatomy course, during which we studied skin in every little minute detail. I've never looked at it the same since that class. Of course, when any random topic comes up it always amazes me at how God can pull together that topic and something that He wants to teach me. 

This morning, as I was doing my devotions, I was reading the account of Jesus washing the disciples feet. This story has never really hit me like it did this morning. Jesus, the King of Kings and Lord of Lords, got down on His hands and knees in front of His disciples and cleaned their filthy, smelly, calloused feet with His own two royal, majestic, holy hands. I got to thinking about the process of washing someone's feet. The idea is to remove the dirt and dead skin from that person's feet and to make them soft and clean. 

I then, of course, started to think about how disgusting the idea of washing someone else's foot really is. I am pretty sure that it could qualify for its own episode of "Dirty Jobs." My Lord cleaned other  people's feet. He did the dirty work in this case and He did it willingly and completely out of love. Jesus was setting the example for His disciples who sat in that very room with Him that night, and He was setting the example for us today. 

If I am a Christian, I claim to be a follower of Christ. I look to Him as my example and my leader. If all of what I just wrote is true, then shouldn't I be following His example. Shouldn't I be doing the dirty jobs? If you are a Christian shouldn't you be doing the dirty jobs too? 

Perspective check. Are you choosing to live like the Master, or are you choosing to be the Master and set your own standards?

Dear 20...

Dear 20,
Another year has passed, and our time together has come to an end, I can hardly believe it. You have brought me many challenges and changes this year that I never foresaw, but they have certainly made me a better person. I have learned to smile more and find joy in the little things rather than staring, puzzled, at the bigger picture of my life. Thank you for being one of the most growing year of my life.

This year I watched dreams become realities. Working this past summer at camp as a wrangler was amazing, and I still think about all of the lessons learned and the skills I acquired while I was there. I also think about all of the wonderful new people that were brought into my life as a result of those two months. Those people became a big part of my life, and they still are. Getting to play golf again is something that I never even came close to thinking would ever happen. On the plus side I get to play on a team for my school, which is so special and meaningful to me. I have only been at it for a few weeks, but already I have learned about dedication and commitment and what they truly mean, they are more than just two words that signify what a person needs to be to a thing or a person, they are two mindsets that are not truly reachable without developing a love deeper than you have ever developed before.

This year I have grown so much spiritually. The daily ways that God showed me His presence in my life still leave me in awe. The days when I would read my devotions early in the morning and that day the message in chapel would be on the same passage still absolutely amaze me, and get me so excited. The moments when I would randomly find a verse and read it, and it somehow always applied to whatever situation I was currently facing. God taught me about sufficiency and placing my trust in Him. He has scolded me for my lack of faith on challenging days, but at the end of it all He is still there with His arms wrapped tightly around me. I have seen the power of prayer and the blessings that a deeper prayer life can lead to. I will never be able to say that I have reached a spiritual pinnacle in my life, but I can say with certainty that this year I have come to know my God more, and my walk with Him has been strengthened as a result of it.

This year I was given multiple blessings. The biggest one being a final diagnosis for the many health issues I have faced for the past several years. When it all came down to it, it was something so small and easy to fix that I could not be more thankful. It has given me a deeper respect for those who I know who suffer with diseases or medical issues that there is no explanation for, and all they have been told is, "you will just have to learn to live with it." I can't imagine their frustration on a daily basis knowing that there may never be an end in sight. It drives me to my knees and makes me thank God for the way He has provided for me as well as praying for cures for things many people don't even know exist. I was able to connect with my Biological Dad and his family this year and that has been an incredibly growing experience for me. I am so blessed to have the family that I have been given. I also got to spend Christmas with my family in Washington. I
t was the most memorable Christmas I have ever had and I hope there will be many more like it in the years to come.

Finally, this year, I have learned to not look back anymore. For so long I have harbored the past as being such a big part of my life that it would drag me down and leave me depressed and unsatisfied with my life. Letting go was an amazing experience and living each day with a renewed hope and joy is un-describable.

So, 20, it's almost time to say goodbye forever. You will be gone, but certainly not forgotten. 21 will be a whole new adventure and I hope that it is just as good, if not better, than you. Thank you for being wonderful.

All my Love,
Karina