The Little Things...

Doritos and chocolate milk...
Those were two of our favorite things to eat on a Friday or Saturday night while watching a movie.
We would sit on the couch in my living room, curled up in our comfy clothes with blankets and we would become captivated in thrilling tales of love or adventure.
Every Birthday or school party that we ever had one of us would be responsible to bring half of our favorite treat, and it would be the only thing we would eat all night.
It was "our thing." Some people thought we were the weirdest teenagers ever, truth was we totally were, but we didn't care, we thought it was the best food in the world.

To us it was never about what we could buy for one another.
We never did anything together that was out of the ordinary or spectacular.
To us the things that made life special were the little things, like Doritos and chocolate milk.

When you left, I never drank chocolate milk or ate Doritos.
I was almost afraid to let the taste even come close to my mouth.
I didn't want to remember anything about what we once were.
I didn't want to remember you, so I didn't.

I would skip over the bowl of Doritos at any party and turn down chocolate milk for a glass of water almost effortlessly.
As the years went by I allowed my fears of remembering control every part of me.
I always live terrified that someday I would remember too much.
I got rid of all of "our" little things.

I went to college, and as hard as I tried to forget, there was something within me that nagged at me to just let go and remember some of the good things.
"It isn't wrong!" the suppressed memories screamed at me.
Rather than remember, though, I tried to dampen the sound by putting new things in place of the old.

This Christmas I learned that it's ok to remember the little things.
Sometimes the things that were "ours" weren't really ours.
They were little things that made our lives special, sometimes together, sometimes apart.
I'm learning to remember the good things, and not let my fears get the better of me.

Each day is a new adventure in what I now know to be normal,
Sure you're not here, and we aren't friends anymore, but that's ok, that's exactly what was supposed to happen.
Tonight I had Doritos and on a whim I grabbed a glass of chocolate milk.
Funny thing is, I also watched a movie in comfy clothes snuggled under a blanket.
I remembered a little, but they were happy memories, good memories, and I was ok.
It's not always the big things, sometimes it's just the little things.
Those little things make new memories too.
They did for me.
I hope they do for you.