Memories...

The house was quiet and a calming peace surrounded her as she sat down with a cup of tea. The snow outside was falling gently, covering the ground in a romantic blanket. Taking a breath she reached to worn photo album on the coffee table, it had been forever since she had looked through it. Nestling deeper into the couch and pulling a blanket over her legs she settled in for a walk down memory lane. Before she knew it the pictures were making her mind wander back to a very different time.

Snow capped mountains on dark mornings.
Cold walks to school with flashlights.
Uniforms and polished black shoes.
Family vacations and laughing.
The family China set out on Thanksgiving.
Sharing the secrets of Christmas presents with siblings.
Sleepless Christmas Eves.
Joyous Christmas mornings.
Days with just snack foods.
Friends coming while others moved on.
New school and new friends.
A new beginning.
Braces and glasses.
First crushes and first loves.
School plays and field trips.
Growing up and letting go.
Tears and heartache.
Another chance and renewed hope.
Student teaching.
Graduating.
Saying good-bye and then saying hello.
College.
Meeting new friends, making best friends.
Papers and tests.
Late nights and copious cups of coffee.
Summers at home.
Changing fashion and making it unique.
Golfing and new adventures.
Homesickness.
Traveling and weekend antics.
Graduation.
Dreams full of anticipation.
Friends getting married, and meeting the man of her dreams.
Getting married.
Rings and flowers and dresses.
The buzz of excitement on the day of the wedding.
Walking down the aisle.
Kissing Daddy goodbye.
Honeymoon
late-night talks
New house.
New life.
Life continuing on...

Memories.

Look for the Unlikely...

Dear Readers,
Tonight I want to open up my heart a little bit to you. The past two weeks have been an incredible whirlwind for me, but God has been using the unlikely in my life and tonight that unlikely impacted me in an incredible way. This semester the President of my school chose the theme "Walking in the Spirit" from Galatians 5, to unify the student body and to study together. The last two weeks the sermons have been on sins in our lives and God began to use those sermons in my life to convict me about different sin areas of my life.

I can't go into detail, but I can tell you that there has been an incredible spiritual battle going on in my heart since that first sermon on sin was preached. God began to convict me about a sin in my life that I was steeped in and that I, honestly, was not willing to give up yet. I saw myself as happy and perfectly fine. But no matter how many times I put up my hands in protest to God and argue my case that my sin was perfectly acceptable, God continued to chasten me and pull me to Himself.

Tonight, God brought that sin out in full light before my very eyes and I heard His voice loud and clear saying to me "My child, my precious daughter, I love you more than you will ever know, but I cannot let you rebel any longer. I will pull you to myself and forgive you if you ask so that I may be the most important thing in your life again." Through this I found myself broken before the Lord, in tears and in humbleness asking for forgiveness.

God used the unlikely, my sin, to draw me closer to Himself. He used the unlikely to grow me and change me. I don't write this to make myself look better than anyone else, but rather to show that God does use the unlikely in absolutely amazing ways. We may not see it at first, but He will always find a way to draw us even closer to Himself than we already feel that we are. I encourage you tonight to see what unlikely God is using in your life and then let Him use it.

Choosing the Unlikely...

Dear Readers,
It has been quite a while since I have written. The summer was full of work and online classes, and a much needed break from the hustle and bustle of the school year. Now it is back to the grind of classes, and golf, and friends. Mind you, it is not a negative daily grind at all. It has actually been a blessed grind, one in which God has been growing me and teaching me so much. The theme that I am claiming this semester for my blog is to write about "Using the Unlikely."

This semester I am taking a class called "Women in the Bible." The class has been teaching me so much about how God chooses the unlikely. God chose Sarah to have a son who was promised, despite the fact that she couldn't have a baby. Then God chose the younger of Isaac and Rebekah's two children to be the child of promise. Then God used Jacob's wife, Rachel, despite the fact that she did wrong to have a son who would carry out the line of promise. God chooses the unlikely and He uses them or the unlikely situation that they may be in for His glory.

Already this semester God has shown me some "unlikely" things in my life and I am so excited to share these things with you as the semester continues.

It's A Place Called Home...

My Dear Readers, I apologize for not having written in so long. This summer has taken me on many adventures that have kept me very, very busy. A few weeks ago I posted that I wanted to start writing some things from my heart. This is one of those posts about some things that I have been struggling with for a few weeks.

For a long time I struggled with living in Ketchikan, Alaska. Being a memory oriented person I really struggled with being in Alaska and not remembering all of the painful things that have happened to me. As I left for college a lot of bitterness and hatred towards the people who had hurt me built up and my desire to be in Ketchikan  went completely away. As I came home my first summer I was angry and searching for joy in a place that I had come to hate so much.

Over the past year, which I have been at school, the Lord worked in my heart and began to give me a love for the place that I grew up. He reminded me of the good times rather than the bad and He taught me to find the seashells among the rocks on the beach. Coming home this summer has meant the world to me. I'm not going to deny that God has brought many challenges my way and that I am definitely ready for vacation, but through each one He has shown Himself more real to me than ever before.

Being here in Ketchikan this summer has opened my eyes to a whole new world of joy and beauty that I had never seen before. It has also opened my eyes to the hurt that I caused when I would say things against my home. For those of you who knew me then, either personally or through my blog, you know how angry and bitter I was. Now I deal with people who feel how I once did about my home and my church and it hurts me to see that and to hear the things that they say. This is my home and I am a member of a fantastic church that I  have come to love this summer more than I ever have before. They are treasures in my life and I will never again take it for granted that I grew up in Alaska and that I have a church family who is absolutely incredible. It's home, it always has and it always will be.

Maybe you struggle with where you are right now or a situation that you are in. Before you decide to be negative, look for the seashells among the rocks. And before you decide to comment negatively on where someone else lives or even the church that they attend or the school that they go to, consider how much your words will hurt them. I was once a person who hurt others with my words and now I am
someone who is hurt by the words of others. Words mean things. Remember that place to someone is a place called home, and Ketchikan, Alaska is my place that I am proud to call home.

His Mercy Endureth Forever....

When I was born I was adopted by a two parent family who loved me very much
His Mercy Endureth Forever.
Before I was a year old my parents were saved
His Mercy Endureth Forever
When I was 2, I started to pray for a baby brother
His Mercy Endureth Forever
When I was 3, God gave me a baby brother
His Mercy Endureth Forever
When I was 4, God gave me a Sunday School Teacher who helped me to understand salvation
His mercy endureth forever

After my first two years in elementary school all but one of my friends moved away
His mercy endureth forever
When I was in 3rd grade my best friend moved away to Guam
His mercy endureth forever
The next school year I started getting bullied by older boys in my school
His mercy endureth forever
When I was in 5th grade my family left the church we were attending and began searching for a new church.
His mercy endureth forever
My family began attending a church that had kids my age
His mercy endureth forever
When I was in 6th grade we left that church
His mercy endureth forever
I turned my back on my family and stopped believing in God, after all if there was a God why would He let bad things happen to good people
His mercy endureth forever.
I struggled spiritually and academically through the next year of my life
His mercy endureth forever
When I was in eight grade my family began attending a new church and I switched schools.
His mercy endureth forever.
I was able to have a new beginning
His mercy endureth forever

I began to realize that there really was a God and that He did love me
His mercy endureth forever.
I met my high school best friend at my new school.
His mercy endureth forever
I almost failed eighth grade
His mercy endureth forever
The Lord brought new teachers to my school
His mercy endureth forever
I determined to succeed in high school
His mercy endureth forever
When I was in 10th grade I was involved in a relationship that I should not have been
His mercy endureth forever
God protected me and allowed the boy I was in a relationship with to never touch me.
His mercy endureth forever
In the middle of that year my best friend began to physically abuse me
His mercy endureth forever
At the end of that school year both of my best friends were kicked out of school
His mercy endureth forever
God brought me to the lowest I had ever been
His mercy endureth forever
I let anger and bitterness dwell in my heart
His mercy endureth forever

That summer my parents forced me to go to horse camp
His mercy endureth forever
The Lord brought a great man to preach simple sermons during my first week there
His mercy endureth forever
God worked in my heart during that whole first week
His mercy endureth forever
I got saved on July 31, 2009 at Camp Ironwood in California
His mercy endureth forever
God changed my life
His mercy endureth forever

God allowed my best friend to ask for forgiveness
His mercy endureth forever
God carried up both through our junior and senior year of high school
His mercy endureth forever
The day after her graduation she fell into sin and our friendship ended
His mercy endureth forever
I struggled with an eating disorder and depression during my senior year of high school
His mercy endureth forever
I finished my last year of high school with a 4.0 and prepared to go to college
His mercy endureth forever
God allowed me to live with my sister for the summer
His mercy endureth forever
I left for college in the fall to pursue my dreams
His mercy endureth forever
God gave me more friends than I could imagine, including a new best friend
His mercy endureth forever


God carried me though three years of college
His mercy endureth forever
During those three years I faced many trials
His mercy endureth forever
My health failed and I became very sick
His mercy endureth forever
Headaches would leave me paralyzed in bed all day
His mercy endureth forever
Hurtful emails from old best friends filled my inbox
His mercy endureth forever
Terrifying nightmares began to plague my sleep
His mercy endureth forever
After two years of searching for answers God brought me two doctors who were able to find out why I was sick
His mercy endureth forever
For the first time in two and a half years, I felt well again
His mercy endureth forever
My family went through many trials as well
His mercy endureth forever
He brought much heartache and pain
His mercy endureth forever
I met my biological mom and her family
His mercy endureth forever
I am now three weeks away from finishing my junior year
God's mercy still endures forever.

138...

138...the number of steps it takes for me to get from one class to the next. The number of calories in my favorite Starbucks drink. The number of French terms I have to master by Monday. And the number of times that I swung a golf club last Saturday.

138 is not normally the number that any golfer would want to see written next to his name on the final scoreboard. Actually, most golfers would be pretty embarrassed by a score like that. I, on the other hand, was not embarrassed at all, I wasn't even disappointed. As a matter of fact I was extremely proud. As I stood at the clubhouse, looking at my posted final score I took a moment to thank God for everything that He had pulled me through to bring me to the point that I was at.

Playing golf is a huge commitment of time and energy, but it is a commitment that I love. It is a de-stressor and a relaxer after a super long day. Sure, the tournaments can have their stressful moments, but most importantly they are fun and stretching experiences. Two years ago if someone told me that I would be playing golf on the collegiate level, I probably would have just laughed at them and told them that it just was not possible.

138...it's just a number when it comes down to it, but it's a number with meaning to me. A number of accomplishment. A number that God placed in my life as a milestone. Sometimes the numbers that God places in our lives make sense and other times they don't. For the engaged couple anticipating their wedding day the number 3 signifies the months until they will be joined as husband and wife. The college senior looks at the number 50 and instantly thinks of their long awaited graduation day when they will be released into the world for the first time. For a couple the number 3 could represent the weeks since they experienced the loss of their first child through a miscarriage or the number 6 could represent the number of months since a navy wife last saw her beloved sailor.

Numbers represent milestones in our lives. Whether they are good or bad God gives them to us. They are ours, but we have to chose to claim them and let them represent the things that God has done to make us into who we are, and into who He wants us to be.

138...for me it represents accomplishment, a milestone that I have a reached that I was never sure I could. 138...the number of golf swings that I took last Saturday. 138...the number that gave me the opportunity to share with another golfer about my school and my God. 138...a number that represents the small impact I was able to have on the hearts of two other girls who needed to hear that God is good. 138...Maybe not impressive to some, but special to me.

Dirty Jobs...

As I was thinking about my blog the other day, I realized how long it has been since I have last written something. School has kept me terribly busy and golf eats up its fair share of time, so my writing has taken the back burner lately. With midterms over and only seven weeks left of school I figured now is as good a time as ever to hop back on the blogging bandwagon.

A recent topic of conversation, for some very strange reason, between my friends and I has been the things that gross us out the most. I mentioned that the thing that makes me just want to spit is the idea of skin. Yes...skin. Let's just put it this way...I used to be a nursing major and had to take an Anatomy course, during which we studied skin in every little minute detail. I've never looked at it the same since that class. Of course, when any random topic comes up it always amazes me at how God can pull together that topic and something that He wants to teach me. 

This morning, as I was doing my devotions, I was reading the account of Jesus washing the disciples feet. This story has never really hit me like it did this morning. Jesus, the King of Kings and Lord of Lords, got down on His hands and knees in front of His disciples and cleaned their filthy, smelly, calloused feet with His own two royal, majestic, holy hands. I got to thinking about the process of washing someone's feet. The idea is to remove the dirt and dead skin from that person's feet and to make them soft and clean. 

I then, of course, started to think about how disgusting the idea of washing someone else's foot really is. I am pretty sure that it could qualify for its own episode of "Dirty Jobs." My Lord cleaned other  people's feet. He did the dirty work in this case and He did it willingly and completely out of love. Jesus was setting the example for His disciples who sat in that very room with Him that night, and He was setting the example for us today. 

If I am a Christian, I claim to be a follower of Christ. I look to Him as my example and my leader. If all of what I just wrote is true, then shouldn't I be following His example. Shouldn't I be doing the dirty jobs? If you are a Christian shouldn't you be doing the dirty jobs too? 

Perspective check. Are you choosing to live like the Master, or are you choosing to be the Master and set your own standards?

Dear 20...

Dear 20,
Another year has passed, and our time together has come to an end, I can hardly believe it. You have brought me many challenges and changes this year that I never foresaw, but they have certainly made me a better person. I have learned to smile more and find joy in the little things rather than staring, puzzled, at the bigger picture of my life. Thank you for being one of the most growing year of my life.

This year I watched dreams become realities. Working this past summer at camp as a wrangler was amazing, and I still think about all of the lessons learned and the skills I acquired while I was there. I also think about all of the wonderful new people that were brought into my life as a result of those two months. Those people became a big part of my life, and they still are. Getting to play golf again is something that I never even came close to thinking would ever happen. On the plus side I get to play on a team for my school, which is so special and meaningful to me. I have only been at it for a few weeks, but already I have learned about dedication and commitment and what they truly mean, they are more than just two words that signify what a person needs to be to a thing or a person, they are two mindsets that are not truly reachable without developing a love deeper than you have ever developed before.

This year I have grown so much spiritually. The daily ways that God showed me His presence in my life still leave me in awe. The days when I would read my devotions early in the morning and that day the message in chapel would be on the same passage still absolutely amaze me, and get me so excited. The moments when I would randomly find a verse and read it, and it somehow always applied to whatever situation I was currently facing. God taught me about sufficiency and placing my trust in Him. He has scolded me for my lack of faith on challenging days, but at the end of it all He is still there with His arms wrapped tightly around me. I have seen the power of prayer and the blessings that a deeper prayer life can lead to. I will never be able to say that I have reached a spiritual pinnacle in my life, but I can say with certainty that this year I have come to know my God more, and my walk with Him has been strengthened as a result of it.

This year I was given multiple blessings. The biggest one being a final diagnosis for the many health issues I have faced for the past several years. When it all came down to it, it was something so small and easy to fix that I could not be more thankful. It has given me a deeper respect for those who I know who suffer with diseases or medical issues that there is no explanation for, and all they have been told is, "you will just have to learn to live with it." I can't imagine their frustration on a daily basis knowing that there may never be an end in sight. It drives me to my knees and makes me thank God for the way He has provided for me as well as praying for cures for things many people don't even know exist. I was able to connect with my Biological Dad and his family this year and that has been an incredibly growing experience for me. I am so blessed to have the family that I have been given. I also got to spend Christmas with my family in Washington. I
t was the most memorable Christmas I have ever had and I hope there will be many more like it in the years to come.

Finally, this year, I have learned to not look back anymore. For so long I have harbored the past as being such a big part of my life that it would drag me down and leave me depressed and unsatisfied with my life. Letting go was an amazing experience and living each day with a renewed hope and joy is un-describable.

So, 20, it's almost time to say goodbye forever. You will be gone, but certainly not forgotten. 21 will be a whole new adventure and I hope that it is just as good, if not better, than you. Thank you for being wonderful.

All my Love,
Karina

Love Bears All Things....

The book of Hosea has never had the reputation for being the happiest or most encouraging book of the Bible, but there is a wonderful example of love at the beginning of this book that I really love. The first two verses of Hosea present a story that rips out your heart and makes you sympathize with the main character. The story of Hosea is about a man who was told, by God, to go and marry a prostitute and have children. Hosea, a Godly man, did as the Lord told him and he and his wife had many children. God told Hosea that the purpose of his marriage and the birth and names of his children were to be an example of what the nation of Israel had become, sinful.

You're probably wondering where I'm going with this, what does marrying a prostitute have to do with love? This past week in my prayer group we have been talking a lot about God's love for us. One of the girls made an incredible point about the story in Hosea and our individual relationships with God.

As a fallen sinner, I am just like a prostitute in my relationship with God. No matter how hard I try I am constantly tempted and enticed by sin, and there are times where I choose to turn from God and do whatever I want to do. Yet, every time that I choose to wrong over right God opens up His arms and forgives me and welcomes me home and still loves me unconditionally.

Hosea had to marry into a difficult situation. He had to marry a woman who lived a life of sin and he never knew for sure that she would never leave him for another man or never cheat on him. Yet, Hosea chose to love her and their children despite everything. God loves us in the same way.

The story of Hosea gives us a clear picture of love bearing all things. Bearing the pain, bearing the sadness, but also bearing the joy of a relationship that will never die.

A Love I Will Never Understand...

Happy Valentine's Day! I hope that all of you are enjoying your day and that something put a smile on your face today, even if it had absolutely nothing to do with chocolate or roses. I know I promised blog posts for my Love series, but for some reason this week writing has not come as naturally to me as it normally does. I didn't want to just leave you all hanging though, so I wanted to share something with you that I have been learning this past week, and it actually is about love.

People ask me all the time, "Why do you believe in God?" The answer is simple to me, but complex to others. I can't explain it in words that even make sense, but I'll try. I believe in God because it blows my mind that someone would love me enough to sacrifice their most prized possession so that I could spend eternity with Him. That is why I believe in God. This week God has been showing me more and more how deeply He loves me. He loves me enough to open my eyes to see a sunrise and wonder at the glory of His creation. He loves me enough to give me peace in the midst of a storm. He loves me enough to put me through one of the most heart-wrenching and painful things I've been through in a while just so that He can draw me closer to Himself. Me, a filthy sinner. He loves me so much with a love that I will never understand.

I don't have a boyfriend, but I do have people who love me. Most importantly, though, I have a God who is jealously, passionately in love with me. He will never leave me lonely, He will never not

be there. His love is so deep, and so wide I will never be able to have a love that compares. On this Valentine's Day I want to thank God for loving me with a love that I will never understand.

A Month of Love...

Happy February and welcome to the month of love.

Sometimes I feel like February could be easily equated to The Hunger Games. All the single people seem to stand out a little bit more and the saying "May the odds be ever in your favor," seems slightly appropriate. 

In all seriousness though, I think that the month of February has become a month filled with a hyped up commercial holiday that has pushed aside the true meaning of love. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not opposed to celebrating Valentine's day at all, I just want to point out that the image of love that has been created by Valentine's Day is not the true image of love. 

So what is love then? Sure, love can be giving a gift to your significant other or carrying in the groceries for the neighbor lady, but it is also so much deeper than that. Love has levels that are not even comprehensible to man. This month I want to publish a series of blogs about examples of that deep love that we see in the Bible. Sure, I'll use some of the common examples, but I also want to find other examples that at first may not seem so loving, but when you look closer you will see it.

I am super excited to try this, and I hope that you are excited to read!

The Little Things...

Doritos and chocolate milk...
Those were two of our favorite things to eat on a Friday or Saturday night while watching a movie.
We would sit on the couch in my living room, curled up in our comfy clothes with blankets and we would become captivated in thrilling tales of love or adventure.
Every Birthday or school party that we ever had one of us would be responsible to bring half of our favorite treat, and it would be the only thing we would eat all night.
It was "our thing." Some people thought we were the weirdest teenagers ever, truth was we totally were, but we didn't care, we thought it was the best food in the world.

To us it was never about what we could buy for one another.
We never did anything together that was out of the ordinary or spectacular.
To us the things that made life special were the little things, like Doritos and chocolate milk.

When you left, I never drank chocolate milk or ate Doritos.
I was almost afraid to let the taste even come close to my mouth.
I didn't want to remember anything about what we once were.
I didn't want to remember you, so I didn't.

I would skip over the bowl of Doritos at any party and turn down chocolate milk for a glass of water almost effortlessly.
As the years went by I allowed my fears of remembering control every part of me.
I always live terrified that someday I would remember too much.
I got rid of all of "our" little things.

I went to college, and as hard as I tried to forget, there was something within me that nagged at me to just let go and remember some of the good things.
"It isn't wrong!" the suppressed memories screamed at me.
Rather than remember, though, I tried to dampen the sound by putting new things in place of the old.

This Christmas I learned that it's ok to remember the little things.
Sometimes the things that were "ours" weren't really ours.
They were little things that made our lives special, sometimes together, sometimes apart.
I'm learning to remember the good things, and not let my fears get the better of me.

Each day is a new adventure in what I now know to be normal,
Sure you're not here, and we aren't friends anymore, but that's ok, that's exactly what was supposed to happen.
Tonight I had Doritos and on a whim I grabbed a glass of chocolate milk.
Funny thing is, I also watched a movie in comfy clothes snuggled under a blanket.
I remembered a little, but they were happy memories, good memories, and I was ok.
It's not always the big things, sometimes it's just the little things.
Those little things make new memories too.
They did for me.
I hope they do for you.

A Prayer for Change.

On Thursday evening I had the privilege of getting to be a part of Bob Jones University history. Each year, at the beginning of the semester, there are 50 students who are asked to go backstage and pray during the opening evangelistic services. This semester I was asked to be apart of this special event. As the evening's service began we joined in singing with the congregation, or at least we attempted to, then when the speaker began to preach we began to pray.

Students prayed for the audience members, and for a revival among the students at Bob Jones University. There were prayers for friends and family members who were listening, as well as for those who participated through the evening's webcast. As I sat there, listening to the prayers that others lifted up I was hit by the reality of how cool it was to be in a room of students who shared my heart for the Lord, as well as my desire to see lives changed. As I began to get comfortable with what was being prayed there was another girl who began to pray that the group in that room would stop praying for a revival among the students of our university.

I think at that point in the evening everyone in the room was shocked by what she had just said. She then followed that by praying that there would be a revival in each individual person at our university. I was hit with the reality that I could not pray for a revival or a change in the lives of others, unless I was first praying for a revival or change in my own life.

Not only was I able to be a very special part of history, but I was convicted without even sitting in a service! God works in mysterious ways. This year I want to stop praying for revival and change in those around me, instead I want to commit to praying for it and seeing it in my own life.

A Resolution...

Well Dear Readers, we are into the second week of the new year :) It is so exciting to see what God is already doing in 2014. I am normally not the kind person who likes to make New Year's resolutions, but this year I thought that maybe I would. I didn't want to just pick any old resolution that at least 100 other people chose too, I wanted something that I could pick to be uniquely mine.

As I was sitting in the guest room at my sister's house on New Year's Eve I notices one of the pictures hanging on the wall. All it says is "Rejoice Always, Pray Without Ceasing, Give Thanks in All Circumstances." at the bottom was 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18. As I was looking at that I thought that those three things could be taken as a resolution. I chose to make my New Year's resolution exactly what that picture said, based on Scripture.

To rejoice always, in all circumstances. Both good and bad. In situations that are big and ones that are small. No matter what happens, I am choosing to rejoice.

To pray without ceasing. Every day, I want to have a spirit of prayer that honors the Lord. I want to be able to pray when serious situations arise, and I also want to be able to pray for things that may sometimes seem a little silly.

To give thanks in all circumstances. Every circumstance, not just the ones that I like. In the circumstances that God uses to test me, and in the ones that make me smile. Sometimes my thanks may come out intermittent with tears, but I want to always be thankful for everything.

Already this year the Lord has handed me situations where I have had to stop and think about what I have committed to do this year. Already God has tested my faith by throwing things at me that I never expected. I hope and pray that each day when I wake up, no matter what comes my way I will remember what my New Year's Resolution is and I will Rejoice Always, Pray Without Ceasing, and Give Thanks in All Circumstances.